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Ichigo: I-Inoue? W-w-what are you doing here?
Orihime: Eh-heh-heh, just doing a little dinner shopping. I bought onions and butter and bananas and gelatin!
Ichigo: (thinking) What is she planning to make?
Orihime: Eh-heh-heh, just doing a little dinner shopping. I bought onions and butter and bananas and gelatin!
Ichigo: (thinking) What is she planning to make?
— Bleach
ILPALAZZO IS WATCHING YOU!
The contents of this Excel Saga are licensed for private home viewing purposes only and are protected under the terms of both U.S. Code (Title 17, Sections 501 and 506) and the 1998 ACROSS treaty (AKA the Don't Toucha My Toot-toot Pact).
Under the express orders of Ilpalazzo, supreme leader of ACROSS, any unauthorized duplication, public screening, or use of the packaging as a coaster, musical instrument or contraceptive device is strictly prohibited, and will be dealt with in the most severe manner possible, most probably involving chicken feathers, cod liver oil and a very, very depraved walrus.
The contents of this Excel Saga are licensed for private home viewing purposes only and are protected under the terms of both U.S. Code (Title 17, Sections 501 and 506) and the 1998 ACROSS treaty (AKA the Don't Toucha My Toot-toot Pact).
Under the express orders of Ilpalazzo, supreme leader of ACROSS, any unauthorized duplication, public screening, or use of the packaging as a coaster, musical instrument or contraceptive device is strictly prohibited, and will be dealt with in the most severe manner possible, most probably involving chicken feathers, cod liver oil and a very, very depraved walrus.
— Excel♡Saga, Region 1 DVD legal warning
Comic Books
Homer: We need to get the plant running, using only this. (dumps out the lost and found bin)
(the next morning, Homer is shouting orders to delivery trucks...)
Lard Lad Branch Manager: How did you do that?
Homer: It doesn't matter, only that it worked.
(the next morning, Homer is shouting orders to delivery trucks...)
Lard Lad Branch Manager: How did you do that?
Homer: It doesn't matter, only that it worked.
— The Simpsons comic book, Dollars to Donuts
Fan Works
Summer also experienced an encounter with [Regigigas], but upon reading the notes of Dawn and Kellyn, began a rant that was at once enraged and horrified, and somehow involved a lumberjack. When she had calmed down, I elected not to press further.
Sabrina thought the hero looked a little shellshocked. His partner didn't seem to notice as she began pointing to the akuma, a nearby fire hydrant, and of all things, a red and black inner tube.
Far be it from her to question a superhero.
Far be it from her to question a superhero.
— Girls Night Out
, a Miraculous Ladybug fanfiction
, a Miraculous Ladybug fanfictionThe stuff that was going on was pretty grafic and I don't want to make this fic M so all I'll say is that it was sexy and Takada was using mop but was naked (you'll have to figure out how for your self rofl!)
"So. Rei. How are you doing?" Maya tried to get a reading on who was technically the most stable pilot.
"I am trying to figure out where to get a banana cream pie and ten gallons of olive oil." Maya's head hit her desk with a reverberating thud and a pained groan. "Possibly also a panda.
"I am trying to figure out where to get a banana cream pie and ten gallons of olive oil." Maya's head hit her desk with a reverberating thud and a pained groan. "Possibly also a panda.
"Wait, what if they're under that hypnosis spell?" Mikey's eyes widened. "Leo, if you're really you, then tell us something only you'd know."
Leo crossed his arms and smirked.
"Splinter's favorite teapot."
The other four siblings froze. Pet felt herself blanche.
"Yeah, I know about that." Their oldest brother continued. "I also know who's idea it was, where you hid the evidence, and what the jar of mayo had to do with it."
Both Fury and the Shredder were looking at the turtle with confusion.
Leo crossed his arms and smirked.
"Splinter's favorite teapot."
The other four siblings froze. Pet felt herself blanche.
"Yeah, I know about that." Their oldest brother continued. "I also know who's idea it was, where you hid the evidence, and what the jar of mayo had to do with it."
Both Fury and the Shredder were looking at the turtle with confusion.
— Spider-Ninja, Chapter 58
, Chapter 58 Film — Live-Action
Linus: All right, well, let's go over the list again.
Basher: Swinging Priest?
Linus: Not enough people.
Turk: Crazy Larry?
Linus: Not enough people.
Basher: Soft Shoulder?
Turk: Not enough people.
Linus: Baker's Dozen?
Turk: No woman and not enough people.
Basher: Hell in a Handbasket?
Linus: We can't train a cat that quickly! And...
Everyone: Not enough people.
Basher: Swinging Priest?
Linus: Not enough people.
Turk: Crazy Larry?
Linus: Not enough people.
Basher: Soft Shoulder?
Turk: Not enough people.
Linus: Baker's Dozen?
Turk: No woman and not enough people.
Basher: Hell in a Handbasket?
Linus: We can't train a cat that quickly! And...
Everyone: Not enough people.
Butch: So, what now?
Marcellus: What now? Let me tell you what now. Imma call a couple of hard pipe hittin' niggers to go to work on the homes here with a pair of pliers and a blow torch. You hear me talkin', hillbilly boy? I ain't through with you by a damn sight, Imma get medieval on your ass!
Marcellus: What now? Let me tell you what now. Imma call a couple of hard pipe hittin' niggers to go to work on the homes here with a pair of pliers and a blow torch. You hear me talkin', hillbilly boy? I ain't through with you by a damn sight, Imma get medieval on your ass!
Dan: I wish you wouldn't drink while you do this.
James: I wish Stevie Nicks would show up in her birthday suit with a jar of pickles and a bottle of baby oil.
Dan: (incredulous) What?!
James: Yeah, don't... don't overthink it.
James: I wish Stevie Nicks would show up in her birthday suit with a jar of pickles and a bottle of baby oil.
Dan: (incredulous) What?!
James: Yeah, don't... don't overthink it.
Literature
There was magic in the mundane. Hector had once told him that a practitioner with three yards of duct tape, a PEZ dispenser, a CD player, and a pair of oversized clown shoes was responsible for the fall of the Roman Empire. Duke never really understood how that worked, considering the Roman Empire had already fallen long before any of those items were available. But magic was never bothered by paradoxes like that.
Wow, with a goose? I didn't even know that was possible...
The pool attendant, the gardener, her tennis instructor, two butlers, four chauffeurs, seven delivery boys... a seemingly endless stream had flowed through the courtroom and testified to their indiscretions with his wife. Worst of all had been the exhibits: Exhibit A — large carton of whipped cream. Exhibit B — a skin-diving suit with the bottom cut out. Exhibit C — a bucketful of soapy frogs. Soapy frogs? On and on it went, until, by Exhibit Q — an inflatable dolphin with battery-operated fins — Rimmer could stand the humiliation no longer and he'd agreed to settle out of court.
— Red Dwarf: Better Than Life
I'd hoped for more, but I'd solved cases with less. I'd once tracked a demon-possessed rat through half of Chicago with nothing but a half-eaten moldy jelly donut for a starting point.
— Annette Thorne, Slayers Of Old
Live-Action TV
"(after watching a sexy movie) I don't like getting you worked up like that. We can't actually do any of those things... You'd lose your soul and besides, I don't even own a kimono!"
— Buffy, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Enemies"
"I'm going to need a SWAT team ready to mobilise, street-level maps covering all of Florida, a pot of coffee, twelve Jammie Dodgers and a fez."
— The Doctor, Doctor Who, "The Impossible Astronaut"
The Doctor: It's overloaded my sonic. Too many inputs. That's never happened before. Think. Have to go analogue. I need oil, water, tree bark, a saucepan, nine containers, an old newspaper, a touch of ox spit, a chicken poo, and a biscuit.
Ryan: Bagsy not chicken poo.
Graham: Why a biscuit?
The Doctor: I love biscuits.
Ryan: Bagsy not chicken poo.
Graham: Why a biscuit?
The Doctor: I love biscuits.
Kenan: Kel, grab a clown, a flagpole, and a submarine, and meet me in my room! Come on, Buffalo Bottoms!
Kel: Kenan, how am I gonna carry all of that stuff? Well, I guess I could put the clown and the flagpole inside the submarine, but it still SEEMS RATHER DIFFICULT! Aww, here it goes!
Kel: Kenan, how am I gonna carry all of that stuff? Well, I guess I could put the clown and the flagpole inside the submarine, but it still SEEMS RATHER DIFFICULT! Aww, here it goes!
"What do you need me to do? (Beard splashes a glass of water on himself) Whatever's gonna happen, that's a great start."
— Ted, Ted Lasso, "So Long, Farewell"
Music
And I thank you for those items that you sent me
The monkey and the plywood violin
I practiced every night, now I'm ready
First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin
The monkey and the plywood violin
I practiced every night, now I'm ready
First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin
—Leonard Cohen, "First We Take Manhattan"
"Doll with bad haircut, bottle of wine, orange sunglasses, spray cleaner, pineapple, keyboard, balloon. I'm ready to make a music video."
I'll need a ton of mops and glue
And soap and towels and paint
And power tools
And soap and towels and paint
And power tools
— They Might Be Giants, "I Made a Mess"
Tabletop Games
"After one particularly convoluted escapade involving the girls' lavatory, 16 pickled invertebrates from the biology lab, several vials of hydrofluoric acid from the chemistry department, and your English teacher's new suit, the rest of the world had finally had enough. You were expelled from school, and your exasperated parents made arrangements with a noted military academy."
— Gross Childe, Vampire: The Masquerade - Clanbook: Nosferatu
"Certain Tzimisce actually eschew supernatural means of torture, considering such practices effete; the Sabbat priest Stefan Kostas still speaks with great pride of how he extracted vital military information from a Gangrel Archon, using nothing but a 50c disposable razor blade, three needles, a pack of Holiday Inn matches, a rubber tube, and a gallon of Clorox."
— Vampire: The Masquerade - Clanbook: Tzimisce
Video Games
Allison: Hrmm I can open that door but it's not going to be easy. I'll need three gears, a crowbar, some kind of counterbalance....
(Tom simply punches the door down)
Allison: Well that works too I guess.
(Tom simply punches the door down)
Allison: Well that works too I guess.
"Now pour the blood of the demons into— it's leaking!"
— Arcadia item description, Disgaea 5: Alliance of Vengeance
"Have killed many people, many ways, guns, knives, drugs, tech attacks, once with farming equipment but never with medicine!"
— Mordin Solus, Mass Effect 2
Gage: ...Setting off an explosion that annihilates the entire city! Chaos everywhere! Blood in the streets! Now do you see why you can't have extra treats?''
Fermi: [grumble]
Fermi: [grumble]
Web Animation
Cranky: Alright, spill it. What do you want with me? Are you like the Ghost of Christmas Ass?
Young Cranky: I can teach you how to be young like me again! You just have to drink the forbidden Hawaiian Punch.
Cranky: Sounds delicious, let's make some!
Young Cranky: First, you're gonna need a looot of cocaine.
Cranky: Cocaine! Of course! I knew that. Then what?
Young Cranky: Starts with a V...
Cranky: Viagra! That's it! Lemme think... (rummaging sounds) Recycled urine... ham in a bottle... a couple of juicy brain cells... Splenda...
Young Cranky: I can teach you how to be young like me again! You just have to drink the forbidden Hawaiian Punch.
Cranky: Sounds delicious, let's make some!
Young Cranky: First, you're gonna need a looot of cocaine.
Cranky: Cocaine! Of course! I knew that. Then what?
Young Cranky: Starts with a V...
Cranky: Viagra! That's it! Lemme think... (rummaging sounds) Recycled urine... ham in a bottle... a couple of juicy brain cells... Splenda...
Webcomics
"[…]then again, she does owe us because we never did tell anyone about what she had to do with that one time with the crossbow, Ma's wheelchair, 200 gallons of jet-pack fuel, a jet pack, the gas station, a radio playing 'Equinox' by Skrillex, and how the remedial school got obliterated, again."
— Ryuuko Kiryuuin, Breaking and Entering, also mentioning a Noodle Incident.
GG: It's a long story that involves a pinata and a gun and a very naughty doggie
TG: I completely understand everything about that practically entirely
TG: I completely understand everything about that practically entirely
— Jade Harley to John Egbert, Homestuck
"My Limit Break involves a moose, the demon Baphomet, and a Kuiper Belt object. It takes four hours, and you can't skip any of the cutscenes."
— Pintsize, Questionable Content
Vexxarr: We're way past plan B. […] That was plan Q!
Carl: And plan A?
Vexxarr: How much do you want to know about Aardvarks?
Carl: B through H?
Vexxarr: Beachballs, synthetic fur and sobbing uncontrolably in a long hot shower.
Carl: I through P?
Vexxarr: Culminated in dressing Sid in a tutu.
Carl: Alright then, plan Q it is.
Carl: And plan A?
Vexxarr: How much do you want to know about Aardvarks?
Carl: B through H?
Vexxarr: Beachballs, synthetic fur and sobbing uncontrolably in a long hot shower.
Carl: I through P?
Vexxarr: Culminated in dressing Sid in a tutu.
Carl: Alright then, plan Q it is.
— Vexxarr
Day 1: Length of Rubber Hose
Day 2: Ski Mask
Day 3: Bear Trap
Day 4: Tourist Map of the Pentagon
Day 5: Lube.
I'm stopping this before I end up on every FBI watchlist ever.
Day 6: The hell? Who mails a bobcat?
Day 2: Ski Mask
Day 3: Bear Trap
Day 4: Tourist Map of the Pentagon
Day 5: Lube.
I'm stopping this before I end up on every FBI watchlist ever.
Day 6: The hell? Who mails a bobcat?
Web Original
"2018 is gonna be my year"
— Omgarrett/Quackworth on Twitter, alongside a picture of a bag containing a banana costume
on Twitter, alongside a picture of a bag containing a banana costumeTeen boy to group of friends: So okay, all we need to take with us is some glue, feathers, some petrol, and a lighter.
Friend: Cool.
Friend: Cool.
"'Dirt Mall' is also the name of a move I like to do with my LIFE PARTNER. It involves a Lego village, a stopwatch and a full box of Cracklin' Oat Bran."
— Regular Car Reviews, Suzuki Bandit 1250 review
Patton: Okay, I got the tuna fish! Logan, you got the two tennis rackets?
Logan: Yes, for some reason?
Patton: And Roman, you've dipped all your fingers in candle wax?
Roman, cringing: Yes, it was very hot!
Patton: And Anxiety, you—
Anxiety: No, I didn't. Whatever you asked me to do, I didn't do it.
Patton: —are standing there, sulking in the corner? Yes! Look at what a good job he's doing, everyone! Alright, we're all set! Now get ready, because on this ride... (puts on swimming goggles) you will get wet.
Logan: What?
Roman: WHAT ARE WE DOING?!
Logan: Yes, for some reason?
Patton: And Roman, you've dipped all your fingers in candle wax?
Roman, cringing: Yes, it was very hot!
Patton: And Anxiety, you—
Anxiety: No, I didn't. Whatever you asked me to do, I didn't do it.
Patton: —are standing there, sulking in the corner? Yes! Look at what a good job he's doing, everyone! Alright, we're all set! Now get ready, because on this ride... (puts on swimming goggles) you will get wet.
Logan: What?
Roman: WHAT ARE WE DOING?!
— Sanders Sides, "Growing Up"
Waluigi: Hey, where are you going?!
Wario: Gotta go find a guy who has rubber, a chainsaw, and fifty thousand paperclips!
Wario: Gotta go find a guy who has rubber, a chainsaw, and fifty thousand paperclips!
— StacheBros, "Wario's Maypril Fools Day"
"647. Any answer to a question involving the words 'wizard', 'station wagon' and 'wood paneling' is no."
<TheDarkOfKnight> When I was a senior in high school we had to make a video and had to have blood packs. The best blood packs are made from condoms.
<TheDarkOfKnight> We had the following on the checkout counter: 1 Box of Trojan Magnum condoms, 2 Bottles of Corn oil, 4 Bottles of red food color, two Super 8 video cassettes and one roll of duct tape.
<TheDarkOfKnight> I have never before gotten weirder looks.
<TheDarkOfKnight> We had the following on the checkout counter: 1 Box of Trojan Magnum condoms, 2 Bottles of Corn oil, 4 Bottles of red food color, two Super 8 video cassettes and one roll of duct tape.
<TheDarkOfKnight> I have never before gotten weirder looks.
— Unknown
"How about we all play a game? I just thought of a new one! All we’ll need is a pogo stick, a bowl of pasta, and a pair of roller skates!"
— Julie Joyful, Welcome Home (Clown Illustrations)
Western Animation
"You heard him. We have to make our teacher toss the lunch monkey. We need a bucket, an umbrella, and whatever they're serving for lunch in the cafeteria on Thursday. Goddard, hit it!"
— Sheen, The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius, "Substitute Creature"
Finn: (burns iceberg) I found another bike, and more computers! What do you got?!
Jake: I keep finding baby shoes! (burns iceberg) What the heck, man?! And they're all lefties!
Jake: I keep finding baby shoes! (burns iceberg) What the heck, man?! And they're all lefties!
"Bob, Clemmons, I'm gonna need a thousand throw pillows, a water slide, and as many architects you can find that can play the French Horn!"
— Freya, LEGO City Adventures, "Cubs and Robbers"
Señor Fabuloso: Well, Hockbar, I suppose we must go with performance plan B. Here; put on this fish suit, and slather me in marmalade. We've got a show to do.
Mr. Hockbar: Uh... Not again!
Mr. Hockbar: Uh... Not again!
Milo: Quick, put on these dust-filtering masks.
Zack: And they have animal faces on them, because...?
Milo: They... serve a variety of purposes!
Zack: And they have animal faces on them, because...?
Milo: They... serve a variety of purposes!
"Never thought this is how I'd die. We're nowhere near Venice and you're not a dwarf in a raincoat."
— Rick, Rick and Morty, "Star Mort: Rickturn of the Jerri"
"Would you please stop leaving your undergarments on my front lawn?"
— Squidward Tentacles, SpongeBob SquarePants, "I Was a Teenage Gary"
Patrick: "Eat Barnacle Chips. They're delicious."
SpongeBob: They are most certainly not delicious!
Patrick: Not the way I use 'em!
SpongeBob: They are most certainly not delicious!
Patrick: Not the way I use 'em!
"I will save you! More spud loaf! A square neck!"
— From a mondegreen of a reversed song from VeggieTales, seen here
Real Life
"Vicki Michelle was a delight, too, a consummate professional. She played it for real, although slightly heightened for comedic effect. Nothing I ever asked of her was too much, she intuitively knew what was required. When she talked about the wet celery and egg whisks, you wondered what on earth she was talking about. But Vicki made it sound naughty and sexy, which takes some doing when you're speaking gobbledygook!"
— Susan Belbin
"I should warn you before you begin that you will need a tire pump equipped with a basketball pumping needle, as well as an electric fan and a piece of old bed sheet. Now, if you are still with me we can begin."
— Recipe for Peking Duck from The Frugal Gourmet by Jeff Smith
"...bring beef, tequila and condoms."
— From an official advisor's email to Sarah Palin