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Anime and Manga
"That's not a kick!"
— Anyone hit by Mystletainn Kick, Is This A Zombie?
"I was just thinkin'. About goldfish. Even though they are called 'goldfish' they aren't gold-colored, are they? They are red, right? The 'blue light' on traffic lights too, aren't they green? Things like that make me sick..."
— Yuno, Hidamari Sketch
Films - Animation
"Pigs 48 cents. Pets 44. WHAT!? Guinea Pigs ain't pigs, they're pets! And I'm paying 44!"
— McMorehouse, Pigs Is Pigs (1954)
"Who are these…hip-hoppers? And why are they called 4*Town if there are five of them?"
— Ming Lee, Turning Red
Films - Live Action
"If this is the Happiness Hotel, I'd hate to see what the sad one looks like."
— Fozzie Bear, The Great Muppet Caper
Pintel: Those aren't Pieces of Eight. They're just Pieces of Junk.
Gibbs: Aye. The original plan was to use nine Pieces of Eight to bind Calypso. But when the First Court met, the Brethren were, to a one, skint broke.
Pintel: So change the name.
Gibbs: What, to "Nine Pieces of Whatever We Happened To Have In Our Pockets At The Time?" Oh yes, that sounds very piratey.
Gibbs: Aye. The original plan was to use nine Pieces of Eight to bind Calypso. But when the First Court met, the Brethren were, to a one, skint broke.
Pintel: So change the name.
Gibbs: What, to "Nine Pieces of Whatever We Happened To Have In Our Pockets At The Time?" Oh yes, that sounds very piratey.
"Hey, why you call me 'guinea pig', anyway? I'm not Italian and I'm not pork!"
— Rodney the Guinea Pig, Dr. Dolittle
Casey Brackett: Why do you call it the Predator?
Traeger: It's a nickname. You know, the data suggests that it tracks its prey, exploits weakness. Seems to… well, enjoy it. Like a game.
Casey Brackett: That's not a predator, that's a sports hunter.
Traeger: Sorry?
Casey Brackett: A predator kills its prey to survive. I mean, what you're describing is more like a bass fisherman.
Traeger: Well, we took a vote. Predator's cooler, right? [the lab team agrees] Fuck yeah.
Traeger: It's a nickname. You know, the data suggests that it tracks its prey, exploits weakness. Seems to… well, enjoy it. Like a game.
Casey Brackett: That's not a predator, that's a sports hunter.
Traeger: Sorry?
Casey Brackett: A predator kills its prey to survive. I mean, what you're describing is more like a bass fisherman.
Traeger: Well, we took a vote. Predator's cooler, right? [the lab team agrees] Fuck yeah.
Budd: You're telling me she cut through eighty-eight bodyguards before she got to O-Ren?
Bill: Nah, there weren't really eighty-eight of them. They just called themselves "The Crazy 88."
Budd: How come?
Bill: I don't know. I guess they thought it sounded cool.
Bill: Nah, there weren't really eighty-eight of them. They just called themselves "The Crazy 88."
Budd: How come?
Bill: I don't know. I guess they thought it sounded cool.
— Kill Bill Volume 2
Literature
Whatever happened to the Lone in Lone Swordsman? This is unacceptable. Do you see Black prancing about in white robes? It’s called a Name, not a Suggestion.
— Catherine Foundling upon finding out that the Lone Swordsman has a party of heroes, A Practical Guide to Evil
Skulduggery: The five people glaring at the necromancers call themselves "The Four Elementals."[...]
Valkyrie: The Four Elementals?
Skulduggery: Yes.
Valkyrie: But there are five of them.
Skulduggery: I know.
Valkyrie: The Four Elementals?
Skulduggery: Yes.
Valkyrie: But there are five of them.
Skulduggery: I know.
"The reason it's called Grape Nuts is that it contains dextrose, which is also sometimes called grape sugar, and also because Grape Nuts is catchier, in terms of marketing, than A Cross Between Gerbil Food and Gravel, which is what it tastes like."
— Dave Barry, Tips for Writers
"The scientist knows it as Homotherium, meaning "similar beast", and a more inept name would be hard to find, for apparently it looked like nothing else on earth."
— Bjorn Kurten, Dance of the Tiger: A novel of the Ice Age
Live-Action TV
"If there really is an interior designer named Gay Butler, somewhere there must be a gay butler named 'Interior Designer'."
— Bill Maher, Real Time with Bill Maher
"The French Foreign Legion was neither French, Foreign, nor a Legion. Discuss."
— Linda Richards (Mike Myers), Saturday Night Live
Picture what a mountain chicken looks like in your head right now. Do you have it? You're wrong, because it's this
. It's a fucking frog! Which is just wrong. "Mountain chicken" sounds like, at minimum, a chicken that lives in the mountains. Or what a starving, stranded hiker would call human flesh. [...] What it does not sound like, though, is this. That is a misuse of words.
. It's a fucking frog! Which is just wrong. "Mountain chicken" sounds like, at minimum, a chicken that lives in the mountains. Or what a starving, stranded hiker would call human flesh. [...] What it does not sound like, though, is this. That is a misuse of words.Doug: Hey Klaus, why is it that Hamburg and Frankfurt have nothing to do with hamburgers or hot dogs?
Janitor, a.k.a. "Klaus": Vhy iz your Lake Titicaca not filled viz boobs und poop?
Janitor, a.k.a. "Klaus": Vhy iz your Lake Titicaca not filled viz boobs und poop?
— Scrubs
"This is called Ninety Mile Beach because it's exactly fifty five miles long. I don't understand it either."
— Jeremy Clarkson, Top Gear (UK)
Veronica Mars: Easygoing Veronica Mars, that's what they call me.
Keith Mars: You know how fat men are sometimes called "Tiny"?
Keith Mars: You know how fat men are sometimes called "Tiny"?
Bunk: You know those little corner joints in the ghetto that sell subs, fried chicken, lake trout?
McNulty: Lake trout...
Bunk: Like egg creams in New York.
McNulty: No eggs, no cream.
Bunk: Exactly—no lake, no trout.
McNulty: Lake trout...
Bunk: Like egg creams in New York.
McNulty: No eggs, no cream.
Bunk: Exactly—no lake, no trout.
— The Wire
Courtney: (looking at a picture of the Seven Soldiers of Victory): There were eight of you, Pat.
Pat: Yeah, we always argued about the name.
Pat: Yeah, we always argued about the name.
Todd: What's going on?
Dirk: The Rowdy Three!
Todd: There are four of them.
Dirk: I'm wildly aware!
Dirk: The Rowdy Three!
Todd: There are four of them.
Dirk: I'm wildly aware!
Music
"Baby No Money got money, I'm a paradox."
— bbno$, "two"
"I'm not black like Barry White, but I'm white like Frank Black is."
— Bloodhound Gang, "Fire Water Burn"
The coconut nut is a giant nut,
If you eat too much, you'll get very fat.
Now, the coconut nut is a big, big nut
But this delicious nut is not a nut!
If you eat too much, you'll get very fat.
Now, the coconut nut is a big, big nut
But this delicious nut is not a nut!
—Smokey Mountain, Da Coconut Nut
Tabletop Games
"Despite the name, this card only prevents damage and not destroy effects. It's also not an Aura."
—Magic: The Gathering ruling on Indestructible Aura
Video Games
"We've degenerated into a department that destroys and manipulates information as ordered, yet somehow we're still called the "Information Team.""
— Yesod, Lobotomy Corporation
"THE WIND FISH IN NAME ONLY, FOR IT IS NEITHER."
— Owl statue, The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening (It's a winged whale.)
Yan: Here we are... Blind Man's Volcano! Named five hundred years ago by the famed Blind Seer, Hexus!
Beat
Delphi: ...But there is no volcano.
Yan: Well, what did you expect? The poor man was blind.
Beat
Delphi: ...But there is no volcano.
Yan: Well, what did you expect? The poor man was blind.
"This rare fish is named after the dark waters it prefers to lay its eggs in. Black Water Dragons are actually albino. They are prized by our great Governors for its part in extracting useful information from terrorists."
— King Min's Kyrat, Far Cry 4
"I dunno. It's like everyone just decides what it means and passes their judgement and expects me to behave in a certain way. I mean, first of all, it's my name, like my actual, this-is-what-my-birth-certificate-says NAME. It doesn't reflect me as a person. And hey, words can mean more than one thing, you know? Just because the first thing YOU think of is some happy-go-lucky sap doesn't mean..."
— Mr. Upbeat, Rhythm Heaven Fever
Johnny Cage: How is Shao Kahn not a Shokan?!
Shao Kahn: It's irrelevant, imbecile.
Johnny Cage: Dude, I lose sleep over shit like this!
Ah, thank you. And welcome to the Scorching Sandpaper Desert, where it's always scorching hot!...Except right now, I guess. C'mon, desert! Scorch! You're making me look bad!
—Red Toad, Paper Mario: The Origami King
"Deadpool"? I’m not dead, and I don’t have a pool!
Yuna: That was the Jecht Shot, wasn't it?
Tidus: How do you know that?
Yuna: Sir Jecht showed it to me when I was a child. He called it the "Sublimely Magnificent Jecht Shot Mark III."
Tidus: Stupid name, huh? You know what? There is no Mark I or Mark II, you know? My old man said the name Mark III was just something to hook the crowd. He said they'd come back every night expecting to see Mark I and Mark II. And, they really did come back. I used to get... so mad.
Tidus: How do you know that?
Yuna: Sir Jecht showed it to me when I was a child. He called it the "Sublimely Magnificent Jecht Shot Mark III."
Tidus: Stupid name, huh? You know what? There is no Mark I or Mark II, you know? My old man said the name Mark III was just something to hook the crowd. He said they'd come back every night expecting to see Mark I and Mark II. And, they really did come back. I used to get... so mad.
""The All-in-one Book of Lore" ... That's funny. You can't call it "all-in-one" if there's two volumes!"
—Trick, Trick Comes Home
When coming up with names I tend to let my mind wander pretty freely. Sometimes the resulting name has honestly a bit too little to do with the level itself. I see very little "classic" here!!
—Baba Is You developer commentary on "Trap Classic" (unused level)
Sam: Can I get some fish?
Mutt: All outta fish!
Sam: How about some chips?
Mutt: All outta chips!
Sam: Why is it called "Mutt's Fish and Chips"?
Mutt: All outta signs!
Mutt: All outta fish!
Sam: How about some chips?
Mutt: All outta chips!
Sam: Why is it called "Mutt's Fish and Chips"?
Mutt: All outta signs!
Web Animation
Chill Touch. It sounds like a touch spell that does cold damage, and I like to think that the first time a character with Chill Touch uses it, thinking that it'll be a sub-zero PUNCH! and instead, it creates a scary-ass skeletal hand that tries to strangle a motherfucker up to 120 feet away [...] If it hits, the hand grabs the target creature in question, and does not cold damage, but necrotic damage! Surprise again!
Wiz: This man would emerge as the feared bounty hunter, Sol Badguy.
Boomstick: So he's clearly the bad guy.
Wiz: Actually, he's the main character of the story.
Boomstick: [blubbering] But then why would the—!? [Wiz continues]
Boomstick: So he's clearly the bad guy.
Wiz: Actually, he's the main character of the story.
Boomstick: [blubbering] But then why would the—!? [Wiz continues]
Webcomics
"You call it a goblin punch. Even though it was very clearly a kick. And there isn't a goblin in within a thousand mile radius."
— Thief, 8-Bit Theater
Ennesby: From the Fleetmind, there is a single ship, the Plaited Daisies.
Tagon: Oh, there's a nice peaceful name... I assume it's one of Petey's Devastator-class warships?
Ennesby: Actually, he's dubbed this class Extortionators.
Tagon: Oh, there's a nice peaceful name... I assume it's one of Petey's Devastator-class warships?
Ennesby: Actually, he's dubbed this class Extortionators.
Web Original
There is no prophecy mentioned at any point in this book.
Parents need to know that the members of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force don't really have much contact with water (except for their neighbor's pool), aren't really teens, and are occasionally hungry but rarely exhibit much force.
—Common Sense Media review
Web Video
"I have to say that it's kind of strange that Ticci Toby gets his name from having Tourette's Syndrome, but that doesn't seem to really play into the plot at all — at least as far as we've gotten so far. [...] But maybe this story's just hitting us with the Creepypasta classic of 'introducing an element into the story only to never use it again'."
"Alright... So South City is to the north, North City is to the west, and East City is... also to the north. (Beat) Where the f**k am I!?"
— Imperfect Cell, Dragon Ball Z Abridged
Rin: You don't get the point of Murder-Death-Kill, Kirei!
Kirei: And you need to stop calling it that.
Rin: Well let's break this down. "Holy Grail War"... "Holy" doesn't work because the artifact is natively magic in origin. "Holy Grail" is BS. And you know it's BS.
Kirei: It is BS.
Rin: And "war" isn't true because it's seven people and their afterlife tag-a-long.
Kirei: The definition of war is loose, Rin. It could mean "to represent the conflict between representatives of various cultures acting as surrogates for their nations."
Rin: Could, sure... but it doesn't. The point is, I'll start calling it "Holy Grail War" when the name isn't just a cool stand-in!
Kirei: And you need to stop calling it that.
Rin: Well let's break this down. "Holy Grail War"... "Holy" doesn't work because the artifact is natively magic in origin. "Holy Grail" is BS. And you know it's BS.
Kirei: It is BS.
Rin: And "war" isn't true because it's seven people and their afterlife tag-a-long.
Kirei: The definition of war is loose, Rin. It could mean "to represent the conflict between representatives of various cultures acting as surrogates for their nations."
Rin: Could, sure... but it doesn't. The point is, I'll start calling it "Holy Grail War" when the name isn't just a cool stand-in!
"Seeing as the game is called Five Nights at Freddy's, you have to do this a total of seven times."
— Thafnine, "How Five Nights at Freddy's Changed Horror"
"Top Man. I'll give you a guess about what he does. Did you guess "explore other planets"? Because yeah, that's what he was designed for. Why the fuck is he a top?!
— Brian David Gilbert, Unraveled, "Ranking all 200+ Mega Man robots.
.KirbyKid: Alright, chat, who should be Kirby? 1 for Vernias, 2 for KirbyKid!
Vernias: You don't even play as Kirby in Smash!
KirbyKid: Which makes more sense?!
Vernias: Yeah, which makes more sense? KirbyKid playing Kirby, or King K. Rool and Sephiroth and Min Min?!
Vernias: You don't even play as Kirby in Smash!
KirbyKid: Which makes more sense?!
Vernias: Yeah, which makes more sense? KirbyKid playing Kirby, or King K. Rool and Sephiroth and Min Min?!
Joe: Master I is the highest rank on Master Duel's competitive ladder, and achieving that rank ain't easy. These days, only powerful Extra Deck monsters are strong enough to make the cut. But what if you don't play an archetype based on the Extra Deck? What if you play a bunch of Ritual Monsters instead? Could ya still make it to the top? I'm HardLeg Joe, if'n ya didn't know, and that's exactly what I'm going to find out. Y'see, each month—
Kritter: [moo]
Joe: Oh, hey, Kritter. What's up?
Kritter: [moo]
Joe: Oh? Ritual Beasts... don't use Ritual Monsters.
Kritter: [moo]
Joe: They use... Links and Fusions.
Kritter: [moo]
Joe: Ah, I see. Well... I guess I should re-evaluate this intro, then.
Kritter: [moo]
Joe: Yes, thank you for letting me know. You're a valued companion, Kritter. Okay, uh... how about something like this then? [beat] Master I is the highest rank, and achieving that rank ain't easy. These days, it seems like only decks based around Fiends and Dragons can make it to the top. And what if you don't play one of those powerful typings? What if you play a deck made entirely of Beast-type monsters? Could ya still make it to Master? I'm HardLeg Joe—
Kritter: [moo]
Joe: —and WHAT DO YOU MEAN ONLY ONE OF THEM IS A BEAST-TYPE?!
Kritter: [moo]
Joe: And it's the PENGUIN?! Shouldn't that be, like, a Winged-Beast or something?!
Kritter: [moo]
Joe: Oh, hey, Kritter. What's up?
Kritter: [moo]
Joe: Oh? Ritual Beasts... don't use Ritual Monsters.
Kritter: [moo]
Joe: They use... Links and Fusions.
Kritter: [moo]
Joe: Ah, I see. Well... I guess I should re-evaluate this intro, then.
Kritter: [moo]
Joe: Yes, thank you for letting me know. You're a valued companion, Kritter. Okay, uh... how about something like this then? [beat] Master I is the highest rank, and achieving that rank ain't easy. These days, it seems like only decks based around Fiends and Dragons can make it to the top. And what if you don't play one of those powerful typings? What if you play a deck made entirely of Beast-type monsters? Could ya still make it to Master? I'm HardLeg Joe—
Kritter: [moo]
Joe: —and WHAT DO YOU MEAN ONLY ONE OF THEM IS A BEAST-TYPE?!
Kritter: [moo]
Joe: And it's the PENGUIN?! Shouldn't that be, like, a Winged-Beast or something?!
— HardLeg Gaming, "So I Tried To Climb The Master Duel Ladder With RITUAL BEASTS..."
"Noah: If you win with Dark Blast Superior, you still take the punishment for losing.
Lewis: That doesn't seem very superior.
Lewis: That doesn't seem very superior.
"The clues that she's gotten [lead] her to this 'sunken city' in L.A. You'll notice that it's neither sunken, nor a city. It's just like a large area of dirt near the ocean, so not really a sunken city."
Western Animation
"Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...."
That's what they say, but it just isn't true.
Roses are red, and apples are too,
But violets are violet. Violets aren't blue.
An orange is orange, but Greenland's not green
And a pinky's not pink. So what does it mean?
To call something blue when it's not, we defile it.
But ah, what the heck: it's hard to rhyme "violet."
That's what they say, but it just isn't true.
Roses are red, and apples are too,
But violets are violet. Violets aren't blue.
An orange is orange, but Greenland's not green
And a pinky's not pink. So what does it mean?
To call something blue when it's not, we defile it.
But ah, what the heck: it's hard to rhyme "violet."
— Dot Warner, Animaniacs
Superintendent Chalmers: You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.
Principal Skinner: Oh ho ho ho no! Patented Skinner Burgers! Old family recipe.
Chalmers: For "steamed hams"?
Skinner: Yes.
Chalmers: Yes, and you call them "steamed hams" despite the fact that they are obviously grilled.
Principal Skinner: Oh ho ho ho no! Patented Skinner Burgers! Old family recipe.
Chalmers: For "steamed hams"?
Skinner: Yes.
Chalmers: Yes, and you call them "steamed hams" despite the fact that they are obviously grilled.
— The Simpsons, "22 Short Films About Springfield"
"Man, that is flagrant false advertising."
— Otto, The Simpsons, right after walking out of "Stoner's Pot Palace" in "A Milhouse Divided"
Eggman: The road ends here, old friend. Prepare to be destroyed by Burnbot! [cue robot with pincher claws]
Sonic: So, what, is he gonna burn me with flamethrowers or something?
Eggman: F-Flamethrowers? Well, no—
Sonic: Oh, uh, acid? Incendiary grenades!
Eggman: What? NO! Claws! His claws! Very painful claws! [robot pinches claws together]
Sonic: Well, then, you shoulda called him 'Clawbot' or 'The Lacerator' or 'Pinchitron 9000'! But 'Burnbot'? I mean, that's just false advertising!
Eggman: I name the robots, Sonic! Burnbot, ATTACK!!
Sonic: So, what, is he gonna burn me with flamethrowers or something?
Eggman: F-Flamethrowers? Well, no—
Sonic: Oh, uh, acid? Incendiary grenades!
Eggman: What? NO! Claws! His claws! Very painful claws! [robot pinches claws together]
Sonic: Well, then, you shoulda called him 'Clawbot' or 'The Lacerator' or 'Pinchitron 9000'! But 'Burnbot'? I mean, that's just false advertising!
Eggman: I name the robots, Sonic! Burnbot, ATTACK!!
—- Sonic Boom, "The Sidekick"
Stan/Toolshed: Mysterion, if Cartman [a.k.a. Coon] is gone, why are we still calling ourselves "Coon and Friends"?
Kenny/Mysterion: Because it pisses Cartman off beyond belief, and I find that (chuckling) extremely funny.
Kenny/Mysterion: Because it pisses Cartman off beyond belief, and I find that (chuckling) extremely funny.
Real Life
Football is certainly a misnomer, for the game is played not with the feet but with the hands, and the ball is not a ball but an egg. I propose that the game be played with the feet and with a ball, or else that it be called "hand-egg".
— Anonymous letter to the editor of the New York Times, Nov. 7, 1909
"[The Anarchist Cookbook was] not composed or released by anarchists, not derived from anarchist practice, not intended to promote freedom and autonomy or challenge repressive power – and was barely a cookbook, as most of the recipes in it are notoriously unreliable."
— CrimethInc.
"The Lord Privy Seal is neither a lord, a privy nor a seal."
— Edward Heath (attributed)
"Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?"
"Every single word in this title is a lie. There are no teenagers, no mutants, no ninjas, and no turtles."
— Hardcore Gaming 101, on a (long since removed) bootleg iPhone app bearing the title of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
, on a (long since removed) bootleg iPhone app bearing the title of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles "A walleye is a freshwater perch so named because its eyes resemble a wall, provided that wall is covered with detailed pictures of fish eyes. Otherwise there is no resemblance at all and the name simply confuses and annoys."
— Mike Nelson, Mike Nelson's Mind Over Matters
"This agglomeration which was called and which still calls itself the Holy Roman Empire was neither Holy, nor Roman, nor an Empire."
— Voltaire
"The course is called Animation Arts. I don’t think it’s too far-fetched to assume that this course would then be about the art of animating; I was wrong. The professor spent most of our time talking about modelling and it wasn’t until the last four weeks that he even mentioned animation. Did he even know what course he was supposed to be teaching?"
— Colin Sanders, on what prompted him to create Colin's Bear Animation, Waxy interview
interviewADHD is the most poorly-named affliction ever. like hi do you have a profound physical inability to accomplish your goals specifically because they're your goals and also the thought of your friends not liking you makes you want to die? you may have Trouble Sitting Still Disorder
—Ada Powers on Twitter
Randy Feltface: Blue is not even a natural color for foodstuffs; it occurs very rarely in nature. Name one blue food.
Audience member: Blueberries!
Randy: BLUEBERRIES ARE FUCKING PURPLE!
Audience member: Blueberries!
Randy: BLUEBERRIES ARE FUCKING PURPLE!
TUMBLR USER fluffystrawberrydreams98: i think we should bring back eugenics
TUMBLR USER incestlovingcannibal: just bought a lemon tree #mylemontree
— Tumblr post by minttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
"Before its release, Roger Corman had changed the title of the movie from Kain of Dark Planet to The Warrior and the Sorceress. I was mystified by the change. “But Roger — there’s no sorceress in the movie!”
“That’s okay, Bill. The object of the title of a film is to get butts into seats. Once they’ve paid their money and their butts are in those seats, it doesn’t matter if the film’s got a sorceress or not. Plus, that title means we can put a scantily clad sorceress on the movie’s poster.”
“That’s okay, Bill. The object of the title of a film is to get butts into seats. Once they’ve paid their money and their butts are in those seats, it doesn’t matter if the film’s got a sorceress or not. Plus, that title means we can put a scantily clad sorceress on the movie’s poster.”
— Interview with William Stout