Psychologist issues important advice to people pleasers – stop 3 mistakes now
Clinical psychologist Dr Julie Smith has shared three simple steps to help people pleasers break the cycle and start prioritising their own needs. Here's what you need to do
Countless individuals find themselves people pleasing, which can take a toll on your mental health over time.
Whether deliberately or subconsciously, we frequently alter our behaviour or take on responsibilities we wouldn't ordinarily embrace simply to maintain others' contentment. And for those sensing this pattern is restricting their progress, a psychologist has turned to TikTok to offer her leading strategies for breaking free from this behaviour.
Dr Julie Smith, known simply as Dr Julie in the digital sphere, is a clinical psychologist boasting over ten years of professional expertise. She regularly provides guidance - covering everything from societal matters to mental wellbeing support - to her huge TikTok audience of almost five million followers.
Her latest content focuses entirely on people pleasers and methods to overcome this tendency. So here's what you need to know...
1. Don't hide your feelings
While being kind and tactful is important, you should never lose sight of authenticity.
According to Julie, the primary habit people pleasers must abandon is hiding their genuine emotions. Constantly agreeing isn't beneficial, so avoid downplaying your viewpoints due to fear.
The psychologist explained: "Pleasing everyone isn't kindness, it's fear... Fear of conflict, rejection or being seen as difficult."
As long as you are sharing your feelings in a polite manner, voicing your feelings is the best way to show people your true personality.
Julie continued: "True kindness includes being honest even when its uncomfortable."
2. Stop saying 'yes' all the time
Do you feel obliged to go to every random mutual friend's birthday party or stay late for hours after work? Chances are, you're a people pleaser.
However, spending all your time and energy on others means you're probably neglecting yourself. And in the long-run, this can make you feel angry and exhausted.
The expert explained: "Saying yes doesn't build connection, it builds resentment. Healthy relationships include boundaries."
To avoid this, prioritise a few engagements and then make sure you have plenty of time for yourself. It's okay to say no!
3. Put yourself first
Stop overlooking your feelings for the sake of others. If you do this, you'll minimise yourself so much that it can feel like you don't exist.
The psychologist explained: "The more you abandon your needs to keep others happy, the more invisible you become; even to yourself. Remember being a good person and standing up for yourself are not opposites."
Practice self compassion, set boundaries, do things you love and surround yourself with supportive people. It can make all the difference to your mental health.