Website / Not Always Friendly

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Not Always Friendly is a sister site of Not Always Right, added to the site's network in 2014. The stories involve conversations, conflicts, and confusing (and often goofy) moments among friends or complete strangers. As usual, it's best to take these stories with a grain of salt.

Note: Due to a restructuring of the entire NAR site network, the hyperlinks below may or may not work anymore.

Not Always Friendly contains examples of:

• Abuse Mistake: This poster is a petite woman who plays rugby. A classmate refuses to believe her bruises come from playing rugby, and keeps trying to force her to go to a battered-women shelter.
• Abusive Parents:
  • This woman rams her shopping cart into her three-year-old, knocking him over and nearly breaking his nose, because he kept walking in front of her. Police and CPS were alerted almost immediately; no word on whether the child was removed or not.
  • The horrible mother in "Some People Really, REALLY Should Not Have Kids, Part 2" (which has a "Child Abuse" content warning) thinks her infant daughter shouldn't be allowed to attempt to talk until she can form words, and claims that letting her do so now will "ruin" her. Exactly how she expects her to learn to form words without first learning to use her lips, tongue and vocal cords isn't explained. The only positive takeaway is that her constant snapping at her daughter to shut up doesn't seem to have put the kid off making "excited toddler gibberish", so perhaps she will learn to talk in spite of her mother.
• Accidental Public Confession: From an unwitting telephone conversation participant, who talks to their friend about a rash they've developed unaware that the friend has her on speakerphone in a public place. Apparently this isn't the first time the friend has done it.
• Accidental Truth: The subject of the conversation in "Better Than A Space Delivery Boy" was told by his father that he'd never be anything but a ditch-digger. Years later, he's helped build the soil-sampler for the Curiosity rover, meaning he is digging ditches… on Mars.
• Adaptation Displacement: invoked This person didn't realize The Lord of the Rings Film Trilogy started out as a book.
  • Similarly: "James Bond is in books?!"
  • And then there's someone complaining about how unfaithful the novelizations of the Harry Potter movies were.
• Adorably Precocious Child: Six years old and giving grown-ups dating advice... like how to make her throw up if she isn't nice to you on the date.
• Aesop Amnesia: This road-raging motorist screams and cusses out the submitter for not being able to back out of her way… until the submitter steps out of the car and reveals he's twice her height and she hurriedly backs down.
  Submitter: “Maybe she’ll think twice before being so hostile.”
  (Right on cue, we hear her screaming yet again, but this time at a vehicle waiting for her to cross the street.)
  SUV Woman: *pointing at the crosswalk which is actually five feet away from her* “I’M CROSSING! I’M F*** CROSSING HERE. THIS MEANS PEOPLE! BACK THE F*** UP, YOU DUMB C***!”
  Submitter: "I think that's a no..."
• Alcohol Hic: Happens in "Don't Drink And Drive Home The Point" as one guy tries to claim he isn't drunk.
• All Germans Are Nazis: Things that mean you're a Nazi according to this girl: Having a German last name, listening to modern German metal bands, and saying the word 'gesundheit' when someone sneezes. As the thoroughly annoyed submitter (who's being accused of Nazi-dom for the above things) points out, his German ancestors emigrated before World War I, and that he, being gay, would also have been a target for the Nazi regime, not someone who'd be "marching [her] into the camps himself."
• All Women Are Lustful: Or rather, all American women are lustful, or so this perverted tourist was led to believe.
• Ambiguous Syntax: A little girl is told by her mother that she should ask permission before petting a dog... so she politely asks the dog "can I pet you?".
• Analogy Backfire: This man complains about a mother showing her breast to breastfeed her baby as indecent and tries to compare it to him showing his penis in public... only for the submitter to point out loudly, to everyone nearby, that this implies that he feeds infants with his semen. The man is so embarrassed and flustered that he quickly leaves.
• Artistic License – Biology:
  • In "Maybe Not On Whatever Planet You're From...", the submitter tells their neighbor about how their cat was cranky because he couldn't go outside because of a recent wildfire and how the submitter didn't want his lungs to be hurt from the smoke. The neighbor's response is to tell the submitter (in a tone like the submitter is the biggest idiot in the entire state) that "cats don't have lungs".
  • "You'll Never Meat Someone So Misinformed" features a student assuring two vegetarian classmates that it's impossible for humans to be vegetarian, because humans will die if they abstain from meat for ten years (changed to fourteen years after one classmate points out she's been vegetarian longer than ten years with no problems).
  • This ablist doesn't believe that the then-three-year-old submitter is autistic because the submitter can talk and do basic math, while "most autistic people are r***d."
• Artistic License – Geography: One smug English girl proudly proclaims she's South African during a Rugby match when South Africa beats England but is called out by everyone at the bar that she isn't South African as she wasn't born there nor was she a citizen, and her grandparents and father living there for a few years does not make her one.
• Artistic License – Geology: This friend thinks that Hawaii is a series of floating islands in the Pacific Ocean (rather than a chain of islands formed by undersea volcanos) and thinks that plane tickets to fly out there get cheaper when Hawaii floats closer to California, and scoffs at the submitter for correcting him. He ends their conversation by saying he's going to research Hawaii and these "supposed underwater mountains" …and proceeds to get utterly sucked into studying marine biology. The next thing the submitter knows, their friend is an accomplished marine biologist and ocean researcher traveling the ocean and, by the submitter's own admission, is more knowledgeable about the ocean than they are.
• Artistic License – Medicine: This "helpful" neighbour thinks that medication is automatically a bigger dosage if it all comes in one pill. The idea that taking two 400 mg doses is the equivalent of one 800 mg dosage goes right over her head.
  Neighbour: IT’S ONE TABLET, SO IT’S STRONGER!
• Ask a Stupid Question...: "What's a saint? Are they people who work for Satan or something?"
• Ax-Crazy: This nut threatens a neighbour by firing a crossbow at their door.
• Backhanded Apology: "Sorry you can't take a joke." "Sorry you have a terrible sense of humor."
• Badass Adorable: This little girl will kick your ass at Street Fighter.
• Badge Gag: Among other bogus claims, this crazy neighbour tries to use a store membership card to pretend to be a federal agent.
• Bad People Abuse Animals:
  • A woman attacks a leashed dog outside of a donut shop with an umbrella and claims to the dog's horrified owner that she (the dog) scratched up the woman's car and then attacked the woman, forcing the woman to "bravely" chain the dog up (the owner, the submitter, had just leashed the dog up outside the donut shop while popping inside to get a snack). The owner calls the police, and the woman gives them the same narrative, but fortunately the police believe the submitter's story over the woman's since the woman had already had a history of fraud and acting violently toward people.
  • In "Taking Catty Behavior To A Whole New Level", the submitter's father's co-worker is invited to a party at his house, but when the submitter's cat jumps on the couch to be with the submitter, the co-worker grabs him by the neck and slams him onto the floor hard enough to break two ribs. Why? Because animals don't belong on the couch. The co-worker is ordered to Get Out!, and would later be fired for attempting to start drama over it.
  • The submitter finds this cat who it turns out was abandoned out on the street in a town 10 kilometres away by its owner's boyfriend, who didn't like it. The submitter doesn't find out what happened after they returned the cat to its owner, but they hope that the relationship didn't last.
  • This jerk tries to adopt a pitbull but the submitter – his neighbour – informs the animal rescue volunteer that he has three other dogs in too small a yard, and that the dogs are too violent (they killed two of his family's cats) and are probably abused (the one non-violent dog is skittish around humans). When the volunteer tells him he can't allow any adoptions to the neighbour, he turns violent and gets himself arrested.
• Bait-and-Switch:
  • This man, a regular at a board game night, approaches a newbie inviting them to join another game night at his house. On arrival, it turns out that the other 'players' at this 'game night' are the man's kids, which he expects the newbie to babysit while he goes out on a date with his wife. It later emerges he'd tried this scam before with other members of the actual group, and was on his last warning; he tries to claim that since he approached the newbie in the parking lot, the owner of the store where it takes place can't take action, but he's banned anyway.
  • In "God Gave Rock And Roll To You", a pair of metal-heads are approached by a stereotypical "church lady" who hands them an envelope, telling them God wanted her to give it to them. They expect a religious tract but are pleasantly surprised to find a pair of tickets to a death metal concert. It turns out the woman's son works at the venue and sends her free tickets, and when she gets tickets to something she's not interested in, she waits to cross paths with someone who looks like they're the type to appreciate it. (How exactly she gets to "the Lord wanted me to give you this" is unclear, but the submitter isn't too concerned with that particular detail.)
  • This woman, who's noted to have a "Karen haircut"^note Censored out, but easy enough to guess stomps up to the submitter – a man in drag – and has a question for "your kind." That question is… whether or not Dolly Parton counts as a female drag queen.
  • "Hamster Takes A Holiday" has a moment where the submitter – who's pet-sitting a neighbour's dog and hamster – finds the hamster missing, its cage door chewed off, and the dog licking her lips with a "smug look" on her face. Thankfully, the hamster is discovered alive and well, wedged behind a radiator.
• Bedtime Brainwashing: One individual attempts to mess with their friend's head while he's asleep; upon seeing that Dumbo is on TV, and knowing how much he hates the Pink Elephants on Parade scene, they proceed to crank up the volume. It works.
• Belief Makes You Stupid:
  • Enough so to intentionally endanger three lives to prove that God would save them, apparently forgetting about the part in the Bible where it says "thou shalt not put the Lord thy God to a foolish test", and then chewing out and threatening the good Samaritans that saved their lives. If the husband's comment that he wants the police to lock her up for it is any indication, this is just the tipping point in a long list of events like this - the story ends with the reveal that he divorced her at some point around the same time she went to jail over this incident.
  • Will somebody please explain what "bearing false witness against thy neighbor" is to this lady? She grills people in her church on seemingly random questions based on her warped view on who a "real" Christian is, and if they don't fit, she makes up a ridiculous excuse to get them thrown out.
  • For this person, anything and everything any non-Christian talks about can and will offend her beliefs. Her forcing her own beliefs on everyone else for three years, though, is perfectly fine.
  • This woman complains about how the loud noises from a practice racing event will distract her from her bible study, when said bible study is taking place at her house ten miles away from the event.
  • This old couple almost drowned the submitter via an impromptu baptism because they were convinced the broken blood vessels in her eyes were proof that she was possessed by the Devil and would have continued if it weren't for bystanders and security stopping them. Scary thing is, the "baptism" seems to have worked.
  • One flatmate keeps changing the submitter's kitchen cabinet lock number, as they insist on leaving it on the numbers "6 6 6" when locked due to their OCD, which bothers the flatmate to the point she believes she needs to "save" the submitter and, after weeks of the submitter's work being affected by feeling they have to check to see the pushy flatmate didn't touch their lock again at every noise when in the flat and between every class when out of it, ends up unlocking it and leaving a cross and a bottle of holy water, which was finally enough for the submitter and the less-pushy flatmates to report her to the student union. The union promptly ignores that student's simultaneous complaint about the submitter going to the kitchen every night, oblivious to the fact she was the reason for the submitter's actions, and ultimately orders her to move to a different flat because the rest of the students there far preferred the submitter's mild (at least when not deliberately antagonized like this) OCD to the other one's stubborn pushiness.
  • In an inversion, this atheist English woman tries to pick a fight with an American Christian, proudly claiming that England is an atheist country when it's not and, despite claiming to know Christianity, doesn't believe that Jesus taught his followers to respect others and turn the other cheek. She was eventually kicked out of the restaurant by the manager for disturbing the American woman who was trying to be nice and tell her to leave her alone, being oblivious to why people were cross with her.
  • This crazy girl lacks common sense due to her deeply religious beliefs. She had a dream that her pastor was having sex with a minor, which she believes was a revelation from God that it was really happening, and told people about it which got her banned from her church. When she loses her job, she refuses her friend's offers to help her find a new job since "God didn't give her a sign to take it". And then there's her stupid backup plan if she can't get a job soon enough to keep her apartment, which is to go Syria to spread the gospel to ISIS.
  • Just barely averted in "Do Not Address Me About My Dress". The father had been getting increasingly drawn in by an incredibly misogynist church, but seeing the way that some of the church members treated his daughter in her own home was enough to bring him back to his senses.
  • People in this religion believe that snakes are the actual devil. It's bad enough that when one lady sees a photo of a snake, she screams and runs off.
  • This woman strikes up some random small talk with a fellow passenger on a plane, but when the subject happens to turn to the issue of plate tectonics (the other passenger studied earth science at college), she demands to know what their Lutheran church thinks about them regarding it as fact. There had been no mention of religion in the conversation prior to this, and the other person isn't even religious, let alone Lutheran. (And most Lutherans are absolutely fine with plate tectonics, anyway.)
  • This crank, on finding that the submitter listens to rock music and is left-handed, she claims the submitter's destined for the "12th circle of Hell."
    Submitter: “I’ve read ‘The Divine Comedy.’ There are only nine circles, according to Dante. So apparently, I’m getting my own private home in Hell? Thanks!”
• Beware the Quiet Ones: Next to her twin sister, this woman is much shyer, more introverted, and more feminine. But offend her sister in any way... Well, let's just say that the reason her sister intervened wasn't to protect her "little" sister from the guy, but to protect him from her!
• Big Friendly Dog: Meet Wiggles!
• Bilingual Backfire: These Chinese girls talk badly about a guy's friend because she's in frumpy clothes and no makeup, and one of them tells the guy, in English, to ditch her and come with them. The guy retorts in their own language.
  Submitter: ''*in Chinese*" "No, thanks. Being with her, what would I need someone like any of you for?"
  • This woman, on the other hand, has a mental BSOD when the submitter responds to being mocked in Mandarin.
• Blatant Lies: This busybody calls the police on a neighbour claiming that the neighbour's dog bit their kid… when said dog had been euthanized the night before.
• Blind Without 'Em: This lady mocks a swimmer for asking the time, loudly pointing out a clock over the pool and telling them to read it, only to later see them out of the water and wearing "coke bottle" glasses — very thick prescription lenses for very severe vision problems.
• Buffy Speak: "I used the Salvadorian word for 'thingamajig'."
• Bullying the Disabled: This woman tells a couple of people using sign language that “You f*** invalids shouldn’t be in public," assuming that they wouldn't hear her. What she doesn't realize is that while one of them is deaf, the other is 'merely' mute, and swiftly puts the woman in her place.
• Calling Your Bathroom Breaks: Happens in "That's Two For Two On Number One", combined with Shared Family Quirks.
• Card-Carrying Jerkass: A guy who's going around kicking over inukshuks (a humanoid figure made of stacked rocks) at a breakwater actually answers "Hey, man, you just trying to be a d**k?" with "Yep!"
• Cats Are Superior: In "These People Get It":
  Friend #2: “Did you mean Godcat, like a godchild that you need to look after if their parent dies? Or God Cat, as in a cat that is your god?”
  Friend #1: “Both?”
• Cat Stereotype: In "This Particular Black Cat Isn't Unlucky At All", the submitter pretends to talk to their black cat as a joke, it winds up scaring off a couple of door-to-door missionaries because of the association between black cats and witchcraft.
• Ceiling Banger: This downstairs neighbour owns the duplex the submitter's friend lives in and routinely bangs on the ceiling over the slightest noise – even when no one was around to make that noise. Given that previous tenants hadn't lasted long, the submitter's friend's family suspects that she's invoking this trope to try and drive people out of the house so they'd break the lease and she'd claim the deposit. After one incident where the submitter's friend's mother drops a casserole dish on the floor, burning and cutting her, the neighbour starts banging and complaining again. Angered that the neighbour's reaction to the sound of a loud crash and a woman shouting in pain was to complain about the noise, the submitter's friend's father decides he's had enough, and directs his children to stomp on the floor whenever she complains. This continues for a couple days – with the "popcorn" coming off the neighbour's ceiling and making a mess – before the neighbour's son apologizes for his mother's antics and extends an olive branch.
• Chronic Pet Killer: In "You Need Betta Friends", the submitter has a friend watch their pets and house while they're away, and comes back to find that the friend has gotten all their tropical fish killed if not mortally wounded by unplugging the heater for the tank containing tropical fish ("The water felt too warm, so I thought I'd let it cool down"), and put two male betta fish in the same tank, getting one of them killed as well ("The tank looked so empty with only one fish in it, so I got him a friend!"). In addition, they decided it was a good idea to host weekly parties at the submitter's house without telling them, resulting in the submitter's cat fleeing the noise and getting shut out of the house in the middle of winter (thankfully a neighbour took her in until the submitter returned). Suffice to say, their friendship did not last.
• Cloud Cuckoo Lander:
  • This woman makes a big display of sitting away from the submitter, and then moves towards and sniffs them, asking if the submitter has committed a crime because the woman's "aura is very cloudy." After the submitter asks her to leave, the woman leaves and accuses the submitter of trying to molest her. The police are called, only asking the submitter for a statement, as cameras clearly showed that the woman was making the submitter uncomfortable, and the police were aware of the woman, and were trying to get her into a secure unit.
  • This woman seems to see twinkling stars… in a plain ceiling. When the submitter points this out, the woman remarks that her retina must be "detaching again" before cackling and wandering off.
• Comically Missing the Point: This racist tourist goes on vacation in Singapore, and is surprised and confused to find there are a lot of Asians there.
• Contrived Coincidence:
  • This man accepts an invitation to be best man at his friend's wedding, which disappoints his girlfriend, whose father — whom they've only recently met — is going to be married on the same day... until it emerges that the submitter's friend is his girlfriend's father, which somehow none of them knew.
  • Right as the driver of this bus tells his passengers to "enjoy the view," they look out and see a woman relieving herself at the side of the road.
  • This choir is beset with issues one day. Two members fall sick, one has a family engagement, and one has moving stress. The submitter's mother remarks that at that rate, it'll be just her and the choir leader… right before the choir leader announces practice is cancelled because he's sick too.
• Conversation Hog: This hospital aide constantly complains about her job and spreads nasty gossip, and when the submitter tries to explain that they don't want to hear about it, insists she's "just talking to myself", even though she's visibly offended when the submitter puts in earphones.
• Cool and Unusual Punishment: Spring a surprise visit on your friend? He'll greet you... with a very large super-soaker!
• Cool Old Lady: This church-dressed lady gives two metal-heads an envelope "from The Lord", leading them to expect a preachy pamphlet. Instead, it's free tickets to a death metal concert they couldn't afford. Apparently she does this whenever her son, who works for the venue, gives her tickets to a show which doesn't interest her.
• Cranky Neighbour:
  • When the younger submitter moves into a building usually populated by older residents, this busybody neighbour for some reason has it in for him and tries to harass him by turning up her TV's volume and tries to get him thrown out of the building eleven times. It comes to a head when the police mistakenly knock on the neighbour's door and ask for the submitter. The neighbour then spreads rumors that she saw the submitter being led out in cuffs, and the condo board (which the neighbour is a member of) threatens to kick him out. The submitter gives them a letter from the local RCMP Superintendent clarifying that the police had been there to take the submitter's statement about an incident he had responded to in his capacity as a paramedic and announcing they would be looking into the neighbour's previous false claim that the submitter had broken into her car. The whole debacle gets the neighbour removed from the condo board and she's forced to stop harassing the submitter lest she get evicted or get a criminal record.
  • This crank sends three emails (mostly capitalized and with No Punctuation) claiming his neighbour is evil, a stalker, and should be evicted. The neighbour in question sends one (much more reasonably formatted) email saying he thinks the crank has a crossbow because they found an arrow embedded in their door.
  • This old crank decides she has nothing better to do than harass her young neighbour – the submitter – for allegedly blaring loud music on his stereo. This notwithstanding the fact that the submitter is busy taking care of his terminally ill mother and has no stereo. After his mother's death, the submitter winds up selling the place for below market price just to be rid of her.
  • This insane neighbour first harasses the submitter's father by showing him out-of-context photos of his wife with other men and claiming that they were having affairs with her. Then when that fails to stir up enough drama, she sics the police on the then-pubescent submitter for "inappropriate body gyrations" (read: trying to use a hula hoop) and for "satanic rituals and chanting" (using jump-rope rhyming with friends). After this gets the neighbour cited for misusing police services, she tries to sue the (again, pubescent) submitter to make her pay her fines, only to get shouted out of court. Then she demands that the submitter's family pay her court fees so she can sue them for her other fees. She only relents in her campaign of harassment when the submitter's father threatens to sue her for harassment. Even then, she continues to give the family dirty looks from inside her house until she passes away and her house is sold to much better neighbours.
  • This downstairs neighbour rents out the upstairs portion of a duplex and proceeds to make her tenants' lives hell by making crazy accusations about them and complaining about noise even when no one was there to make noise. The submitter's friend's family (her latest tenants) suspect that she's invoking this trope so that her tenants leave early, breaking the lease and allowing her to claim their deposit.
  • This neighbour makes a bogus claim about her family owning "all the property on this road" and demands that the submitter (who's just inherited the house from her recently deceased parents) leave and give her the house. When the submitter says no, she makes an equally bogus claim of being a federal agent (using a store membership card). Then when that doesn't work, she threatens the submitter with violence before the submitter points out that they're in a stand-your-ground state, and then the neighbour finally backs off. Chats with other neighbours confirm that this sort of encounter wasn't an isolated incident, and the neighbour winds up getting in trouble with the police.
  • These neighbours build a house that's too big, and as a result, complain that their backyard is too small. So they trespass on the submitter's property multiple times, and try to pester them into selling them their land.
  • This crank complains that the submitter's parents "ruined her life" by cutting down a tree on their property to allow access for construction. She claims the tree belonged to her, but naturally she has no argument for why it did, and she already has a big tree on her own property. Another neighbouring couple confirms that she's like this all the time (to the point that they're moving out just to be rid of her). She continues to be nasty to both the submitter's family and to the construction workers they hire before simmering down in silence. Eventually, the big tree on her property falls and flattens her car during a winter storm (prompting "a primal scream like something out of The Exorcist" when she discovers this), forcing her to pay for tree removal, a tow truck to take her totaled car, and a rental car, and she subsequently moves out.
    [Woman] did everything she could think of to try and interfere [in the construction work]. She was absolutely relentless in her crusade to avenge a tree she never even owned.
  • This crotchety woman demands that the submitter move their car, and later tries to get the HOA to vote on a new regulation that would ban residents from working on "fast-looking cars" in their own driveways. Why?
    Neighbour: I don’t want your car to influence my son to be a hooligan like [the submitter].
• Crossdresser:
  • This person's boyfriend and friend are said to be crossplayers occasionally.
  • This person, following gastric bypass surgery, takes the opportunity to try out cross-dressing.
• Crowd Song: "Things Just Got Deep", courtesy of The Princess and the Frog.
• Cuteness Overload: This puppy seems to elicit this response from everyone he meets.
• Dartboard of Hate: A variation in "Only The Power Of Friendship Can Defeat Pure Evil". The submitter has an overly chatty, overly opinionated, overly self-centred co-worker that they have to put up with. So during one of the submitter's gaming sessions with friends, the friend writing the story creates a lich with a personality very similar to the co-worker to take their anger out on.
  Friend: "I might not be able to actually drop a building on your s***ty coworker for you, but I can help you do it in effigy!"
• D-Cup Distress: This submitter is a bit self-conscious about her large breasts, which becomes a problem when a fellow customer thinks she's a boy hiding lettuce under "his" hoodie.
• Determinator:
  • This toddler got out of her high chair, unlocked the front door and a gate whose latch was high above her, and climbed ten steps to get to the neighbor's house. All the while crying and trying to communicate in a mix of English and Farsi. It was because her mother had collapsed, and she knew the neighbor was a trusted adult whose child often played with the toddler's older brother.
  • This family is pretty determined to keep the submitter's cat. After essentially abducting the cat from outside its house in the belief that it was malnourished, it's weeks before they even think about contacting the actual owner, and even after returning the cat, they're insistent that they be allowed to look after it when the submitter is away. It takes a couple of months of them actually prowling around outside looking for the cat again before they finally give up.
  • This friend sees what he thinks is a kitten stuck amongst some alligators, so he braves clambering across fallen trees and dodging the gators to rescue it. Then it turns out that what he'd mistaken for a kitten from afar was actually a baby possum. The friend remarks that he still would have rescued it if he'd known it was a possum.
• Didn't Think This Through:
  • In "First One To Bail Wins", the submitter finds out after the fact that their former roommate intended to move out and stick them with the full rent (which neither could afford on their own). The comment section consists of multiple people pointing out that the submitter wasn't on the lease, so Roommate would have been the one legally and financially responsible for paying the rest of the rent even if Roommate had pulled off the "midnight move".
  • The crazy woman in "This Story Took A Turn And A Switch" was already pressing her luck by taking her child on a flight despite explicitly being told she legally wasn't allowed, and on her last chance, no less. But apparently, this woman didn't even consider that trying to steal the submitter's Nintendo Switch, which itself is a crime, would expose her stunt and make her lose all her remaining custody of her child.
  • During the COVID-19 Pandemic, this genius decides to get a supply of meat and eggs by keeping a bunch of chickens. Only problem is, all of his chickens are roosters, so he's left with no eggs, dry meat, and animals that won't shut up.
• Digging Yourself Deeper: This man mooches off a neighbour's wi-fi unaware that the neighbour in question uses the submitter's wi-fi with permission. When the submitter sees the excess devices, revokes their permission and changes the password, the man starts banging on the neighbour's door. When the submitter asks him what's going on, the dad reveals that he took her mail (without her knowledge) into her unlocked apartment (while she was out) and saw her password sitting there. The man doesn't seem to understand that what he's done is a crime (and even asks the submitter to reset their wi-fi for him) and could (and did) get him evicted.
  Submitter: "You do realize that nothing you said is good, right?"
• Dirty Old Man: This older tourist apparently thinks "American women are […] easy" and tries some very lewd flirting with a high-schooler.
• Disability Immunity: This group of eleven-year-olds sneaks a "very violent and very gory" horror movie into their sleepover. The submitter is against watching it, but doesn't speak up because she doesn't want to be teased for being a scaredy-cat again. However, she realises five minutes in that her eyesight is poor enough that, if she takes her glasses off, she can barely make out anything on the screen. Because the volume's also down low (to prevent the host's parents from realising what they're watching), the submitter can tune out the movie entirely... and thus, unlike her friends, doesn't get nightmares for days on end afterwards.
• Discriminate and Switch:
  • A half-burned LGBT event sign leads a dormitory admin to assume one of the residents is discriminating. One of the residents is an impulsive Pyromaniac, who burned the sign without realizing what it would mean.
  • A trainer at a new job responded awkwardly to a worker's admission to bisexuality, leading the worker to assume (and tell all their friends) that the trainer was homophobic. It's revealed some time later that the admission was in the form of a pun ("stand-bi"), and the trainer's reaction was because they'd missed the joke.
  • A costume director does have a problem with the transgender actor's new male name... she has speech aphasia, and it's hard to pronounce (and her boyfriend's attempt to warn the trans man of this was poorly phrased).
  • In "Not Yet A Pro With These Pronouns", the friend and her trans boyfriend decided the submitter is transphobic because of their trouble with pronouns, but it's actually due to their ADD making them forget information about other people. Additionally, they used female pronouns in front of them and male pronouns in front of their other friends, accidentally Gaslighting the submitter and making the problem worse.
• Disproportionate Retribution:
  • This person's roommate moves out without a word (potentially causing money issues) because the writer of the story changed the Wifi password in response to her refusing to do the dishes to the point they were growing moldy.
  • This old man attacks a seven-year-old boy (leaving the poor kid with bruises and a sore neck) and destroys his Super Soaker after the boy accidentally sprays the man's window with it (doing no damage whatsoever). The kid's unamused parents call the police as soon as they find out what happened, and the man is forced to pay several fines and replace the Super Soaker.
• The Ditz: This train passenger has some very colourful things to say.
• Does This Make Me Look Fat?:
  • "No! YOU make dress look fat! Dress make you look purple."
  • This shallow lady promised her friends they'd all get to be bridesmaids for her wedding, then deliberately "forgot" to invite the ones that were skinnier or prettier than her.
• Dope Slap: This one, for thinking that Errol Flynn was in Robin Hood: Men in Tights.
• Double Standard:
  • In "Stop Ramming Atheism Down My Throat So I Can Ram Religion Down Yours...", an Atheist's Catholic friend doesn't like the former writing in the Bible and making jokes about it since they consider it very rude and offensive, yet the Catholic friend sees no problem if the same thing happened to the Quran.
  • When people complain about this neighbourhood bully to his father, he shrugs it off, saying "boys will be boys." But when the bully complains to his father about anyone retaliating against him, his father would raise absolute hell about it with other parents.
• Drives Like Crazy:
  • This lady, whom the submitter correctly predicts is going to cause an accident.
  • This aviation major roommate flies like crazy, as the submitter soon discovers when she talks them into accompanying her on a flying lesson.
  • This friend is described as "a terrifying driver" who makes fun of the submitter for driving below the speed limit. Other friends wind up fighting over who is saddled with driving with the submitter or the friend.
    Friend: You drive so f*** slow, [Submitter]. Like a little old grandma.
    Submitter: Remind me which one of us had to retake her driving test because the first time she took it, she immediately failed for speeding through a school zone? And which one of us has already gotten multiple speeding tickets?
• Ear Worm: A text between friends shows how easy it is to get the song, "Mahna-Mahna", stuck in one's head.
• The Eeyore: This friend's mother is described as irrepressibly pessimistic. She seems to look for ways that the submitter's wedding could go wrong, even as they're refuted, one by one.
• Embarrassing Damp Sheets: Or not so embarrassing, as in one case a 9-year-old girl is strangely eager to show her adult male neighbor her bedwetting diaper. The man is understandably speechless.
• Embarrassing Ringtone: This person's brother secretly changed their ringtone to "Kyle's Mom Is A Big Fat B***" from South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut, and then their mother called their phone while they were driving a van full of elderly women.
• Enfante Terrible: While riding a bus, this little kid takes a bite into the submitter's ear enough that it tears the earlobe. Naturally, the mother raises a stink on the child's behalf, but the bus driver takes the submitter's side. Later, the kid tries to run over and kick the submitter in the shin, only for the submitter to dodge at the last minute, causing the kid to fall on his butt instead. The mother is about to raise another stink, so the submitter legs it.
• Engaging Conversation: "Boy Meets Girl, Literally".
• Entertainingly Wrong: This gossip assumes the split between a couple is because the husband had an affair, and calls to tell the wife's friend... who is visiting with the wife at the time. Not only does she set the story straight, she royally tells off the gossip for making assumptions.
• Entitled Bastard:
  • The social media page for a litter-pick group gets a request from a local resident to have his street cleared. Unfortunately it turns out that they don't have any volunteers living in his area, but this just sets the man off, complaining that it's unfair and he has as much right as anyone else. He doesn't seem to comprehend the fact that it's a free service provided by volunteers out of the goodness of their own hearts, not something he or anyone else has any 'right' to. They end up having to boot him out and set the page to private, leaving a lot of people upset that their community-spirited efforts were getting this reaction.
  • This guy steals all the vegetables from his neighbors' gardens and resells them at a farmer's market, with his only excuse being that nobody told him he couldn't do it. He later gets arrested for stealing another neighbor's show-quality lop rabbits so he could kill and eat them.
  • This friend has a very public affair with a man when both of them are married to other people. After both of the cheaters marry each other, the man's now-ex-wife tries to get on good terms with the friend for her childrens' sake, but the woman refuses.
    Friend: Why would I want to be friends with that woman? When we first moved in together, she had the hide to blame me for ruining her marriage, and that’s something I will never forgive her for. She’s such a b***.
  • This neighbour calls the police on the submitter for disconnecting a cable found on the submitter's land… that the neighbour had been using to steal the submitter's cable… and the submitter had found while trying to find a way to stop the neighbour from driving his ATV across their lawn. The neighbour would get a warning for both the trespassing and the cable theft.
  • This insane neighbour, among other demanding behaviours:
    You read that right: she wanted us to pay for her court fees… so that she could sue us for her other fees.
• Eskimos Aren't Real: "Did you know mongoose is a real animal?!"
• Even Evil Has Standards: "There's a long list of crimes I'm willing to commit, but littering isn't one of them."
• Evil Is Petty: Invoked in "Finish His Plate In Less Than 12 Parsnips" — a person dressed up as Darth Vader tells a boy to not eat his vegetables, and when questioned later as to why, another member of the group points out that they are evil.
• Exhaustion-Induced Idiocy: This roommate, who is noted to be The Ditz to an extent, is Woken Up at an Ungodly Hour by a phone scammer, doesn't fall for the scam, but interprets their call to mean that someone is watching him through his computer. So he opts to smash his computer to pieces with a hammer (thankfully he only destroyed the monitor, not the tower, before the submitter intervened).
• Eye Scream: This contractor's carelessness winds up putting a nail through his eye.
• Failed a Spot Check:
  • More like "Failed a Taste Test" - this fruit fanatic failed to notice for most of their life that they had an allergic response to bananas. They thought the sour, burning sensation was how they were supposed to taste. (Then again, how would they know differently?)
  • A dad accidentally reprimands someone else's daughter when he thought his own was about to read an age-inappropriate book at a bookstore, not seeing the girl's face until it's too late.
  • While giving a ride to a friend and her brother, the submitter mentions she had a baby, which the brother dryly comments was obvious. The friend assumes it's a dig at the submitter's weight and jumps to her defense, but it's actually just that the back of the car is full of car seats.
  • A woman in an airport demands somebody get out of her way, intending to barrel her way past them if they don't. They move out of the way at the last moment... and she walks straight into the pillar they were leaning against.
• Fantasy-Forbidding Mother: This mother tells her son that since nobody else in the family can draw, neither can he.
• The Farmer and the Viper: While on board a plane, the submitter plays what is all but stated to be a Nintendo Switch, and when a little boy wants a turn with it, he agrees to let him play after he finishes the level he's on. Cue the boy's mother coming in, who after failing to get the submitter to hand it over before he's finished, tries to steal the console for her son by claiming that the submitter was the one who stole it. The boy eventually does get his turn despite his mother's erratic behavior. "Pokémon Go Away" plays out pretty much the same way as the previous story, but with a pair of DSs instead.
• Feeling Oppressed by Their Existence:
  • This bigoted plane passenger calls the (child) submitter a terrorist for "writing something in Afghanistan" (he was writing his homework in Hindi).
  • Similarly, this plane passenger tells the submitter to cover up her face – covered in permanent scarring from previous injuries – and says it's too "graphic" and is disturbing his child.
  • This plane passenger really doesn't like how the submitter's cat – an emotional support animal – is allowed to sit with her. She escalates to trying to pull off a Wounded Gazelle Gambit before reacting to "the softest meow ever" by screaming that the cat hissed at her and bit her. The woman would be moved to another seat for the remainder of the flight so she wouldn't pester the submitter or her cat anymore.
    I don’t know what that woman had against my cat, but I think it’s safe to say she’s probably a dog person.
  • This angry HOA woman tries to get the submitter (and later the entire neighborhood) barred from working on "fast-looking cars" in their own driveways on grounds that it would encourage her children to become "hooligans" like the submitter.
• Felony Misdemeanor: These girls were actually considering reporting the submitter to the police for animal abuse, because they killed a monster in a video game (implied to be Resident Evil 1) that vaguely resembled a dog.
• Female Misogynist: This neighbour uses the fact that repairing her lawnmower is "men's work" as an excuse to not repair it herself, trying to get the submitter's husband to do it for her when she's too cheap to shell out $45 max to get it fixed.
• Filching Food for Fun: This girl keeps taking food from her boyfriend's fridge he shares with his roommate, even if the food belongs to said roommate. Interestingly, she breaks off the relationship on her own when her boyfriend won't make his roommate apologize for putting chili peppers in the fridge (which wouldn't have been a problem if she hadn't stolen them after being told not to).
• Fluffy the Terrible: A cat named Little Girl is, apparently, very protective when her owner is being verbally assaulted.
• Fossil Revival: "A Dungeons and Dragons game night" leads to a friend attempting to use necromancy to revive fossils, to which the Game Mancer objects due to necromancy requires flesh and bone to possess something. Another friend who had some unused and useless-up-until-now geomancer spells realizes the opportunity.
• Fowl-Mouthed Parrot: An old widow's parrot is normally well-behaved when its owner's around. When she leaves the room to fetch some tea and cookies, it goes quiet, gives the submitter "a look", and tells them to "f*** off", then goes back to normal when the widow returns. Fortunately, the submitter finds it Actually Pretty Funny.
• Freaky Fashion, Mild Mind: When an expectant mother is in danger of being trampled by a crowd panic in New York on September 11, 2001, she asks the biggest, scariest-looking biker she can find to help her get to safety.
• Freudian Slip: "I'd like to taste all the beautiful women here tonight."
• Frivolous Lawsuit: This nutcase neighbour tries to sue the submitter (then a minor) for the cost of the fines the neighbour had incurred after being cited for no-less-frivolous calls to the police with wild accusations that the submitter was engaging in "inappropriate body gyrations" (trying to use a hula hoop) or engaging in "satanic rituals and chanting" (uttering playground rhymes while using a jump-rope). She then tries to demand that the submitter's parents pay her court fees so she can afford to sue them instead.
• The Friend Nobody Likes: "If you feel that way, why don't you just stop being friends with him?"
• From the Mouths of Babes:
  • "Better my Barbie looks like a boy than a slut like yours."
  • This little girl wants to give the car of a housemate who Really Gets Around a name, and says that it should be named "Puta" (Spanish for Whore), and her friend quotes the trope name verbatim in response.
  • This little girl's reaction to an anti-vaxxer's moronic ranting:
    "Mummy, is this what stupid looks like?"
  • "What would you do if you couldn't read?" "...Die?"
• Gender-Blender Name: "Barking Up The Wrong Family Tree". Awkward...
• Global Ignorance: Someone who is so incapable of telling China and Japan apart that they think the Great Wall of China is in Japan.
• Grammar Correction Gag: This person annoys an ex-friend by correcting a poorly-written, insulting note.
• "Groundhog Day" Loop: Discussed in "Doesn't Bear Repeating", along with the trope namer.
• Hair-Trigger Temper: This road-raging SUV driver once knocked a cane out of a disabled pedestrian's hands for taking too long to cross the street, and starts screaming and cussing out the submitter for not being able to back out of her way (when she was the one going the wrong way down a one-way aisle)… until she finds the submitter's twice her height and backs down. The submitter and a bystander hope the experience has taught her a lesson… only to see her screaming at another driver waiting for her to cross the street.
• Hangover Sensitivity: A watchstander on New Year's Day takes advantage of this by shouting and pretending to be overly chipper to mess with hungover sailors. He ends up getting annoyed when he encounters a sailor who actually seems just as chipper as him.
• Help, I'm Stuck!: A magnetic collar results in this poor kitten becoming a living fridge magnet.
• Heroic Bystander: This woman took charge on realizing her neighbor needed medical attention. She climbed over the fence when the neighbor's toddler alerted her about the situation while crying, and saw that the poor mother wasn't breathing and bleeding from the head. The submitter called emergency services and performed CPR, before going along in the ambulance with the toddler, being unable to reach her father. This ended up saving the woman's life and she made a full recovery. In the post itself, she's very modest, referring to the toddler as the real hero for getting help for her mother.
• Honorary Uncle: This guy declares himself uncle to a younger friend, lets her borrow his car for dates, and tells her to threaten any unruly boyfriends with her uncle's wrath.
• Hoist by His Own Petard:
  • A few kids in a rural neighborhood decide to set up a lemonade stand to raise money for the nearby children's hospital, as a way to thank them for helping their friend after he got injured in a farming accident. A busy-bodying neighbor (who the submitter refers to as the "HOA monster" due to her attempting to micromanage everything her neighbors do) assumes that they're committing charity fraud because the leader of the project is Hispanic, so she calls the cops on them. It turns out that one of the two deputies responding to her complaint is Hispanic himself, something that the busybody doesn’t realize until after she threw slurs about Hispanics around. After the two deputies are convinced that the kids do intend to donate the money, the HOA monster then claims that they had no right to have the stand without a permit and nobody asked her if it was okay to run it in “her” neighborhood. The deputies, already sick of her antics at this point, tell her that in this area, roadside stands don't need a permit or anybody's permission except for the property owner's (the stand is on the Hispanic kid's property and his dad helped the kids set it up in the first place). The submitter, also sick of her, proceeds to ask the HOA monster where her two under-five children are. She snidely replies that they're playing in her backyard pool, making the submitter point out that she left two very young kids all by themselves in a swimming pool in order to bully some other kids. Suddenly, the deputies get worried about the HOA monster's children (both were thankfully fine) and the child endangerment investigation the HOA monster gets slapped with results in her being forced to move out of the neighborhood three weeks later. Furthermore, the HOA monster called the local newspaper with the story about her "stopping the fraud", so one of the reporters witnessed the whole thing and put the story in the newspaper, making sure that everybody else in town would be well aware of what she did.
  • Downplayed in "A Cracking Good Time". The submitter suggests that their friends respond to the level of noise coming from their downstairs neighbors in kind, and demonstrates by jumping on the floor... which cracks under the force and shudders ominously. (Fortunately the floor did not give way and escalate this to full usage of the trope, but the friends still moved out as soon as possible.)
  • This roommate has the submitter stay in her apartment as an unauthorized occupant, then swiftly evicts them and keeps their rent after thinking they were flirting with her girlfriend. The eviction is so swift that both the submitter and their roomate forget about the submitter's keys. Eventually, the roommate is forced to ask for new keys from building maintenance, resulting in them finding out about the unauthorized occupant, leading to the roommate being evicted and sued for the cost of changing the locks.
• Horrible Camping Trip: "They Should Be Sent To Bootcamp", where a family camping trip is turned into the camping trip from Hell by a family friend who invited them along with his free-loading inconsiderate frat boy buddies. Within two days they eat the entire supply of food (including eggs meant for a diabetic grandfather), "forget" to get ice for their drinks and uncooked burgers and hot dogs when they left the coolers open and instead return with more raw chicken than the family can eat (resulting in them wasting hundreds of dollars' worth of food), leave a mess everywhere that attracts wild animals — including a black bear, lose the then-young submitter on an excursion, and smoke weed around the kids, all while ignoring the obvious misery of everyone else on the trip. Needless to say, the family threw in the towel and went home well before the trip was supposed to be over and never went camping with them again, and the submitter mentions that it caused their grandmother to never go on another camping trip with anybody ever again.
• Humiliation Conga: This chess player gets hit with a pretty big one after his decision to relentlessly taunt and harass the defending champion after beating him. First, he gets disqualified on the spot for his poor sportsmanship. Then, he gets kicked out of the tournament and banned from it for life after he throws a tantrum. He then tries to sue the tournament, and gets laughed out of court thanks to the large amount of witnesses that saw what happened. This in turn gets him blacklisted from every tournament in the state.
• Hurricane of Puns: A heavy seasoning of kitchen puns.
• Hypocritical Humor:
  • This Christian person castigates a non-religious neighbor for performing minor physical labor on Good Friday, because someone else not following his beliefs is inconsiderate to him. The submitter counters by asking if, following this logic, he honors Muslim religious holidays so as not to be inconsiderate towards them, and is met with a screamed "BURN IN HELL!"
  • One roommate tells another, "You shouldn't drink so much coffee. That s***'s like poison, it'll kill you." She then drinks straight out of the bottle of vodka she's holding.
  • A person who thinks roller coasters are dangerous wants to chase tornadoes when they're older.
  • This elderly lady refuses to accept a subway ticket as a gift from a total stranger because she thinks that would be "stealing" from them. She is instead intent on sneaking into the subway train behind that stranger, which is a crime. As the submitter actually has to point out to her, "You're a Christian and you don't want me to make(sic) a good deed?"
  • "It's funny. In being lazy, I actually did something that required more effort."
  • This guy accuses the submitter of being a "fake nerd girl" who only dressed up to impress a guy but doesn't know who she's actually dressed up as. She responds by singing a verse from "Brand New Day"... and he doesn't recognize it, or the fact that the submitter is dressed as Dr. Horrible.
    • Same deal in "A Venomous Reaction", where a teenager walks up to the submitter to tell her that "wearing a Spawn hoodie doesn't make you a real geek". She nonchalantly tells him it's actually a Venom hoodie.
  • This old lady loudly complains about how the submitter's generation has no manners, as she actively prevents him from using a public restroom for half an hour.
  • A store greeter ridicules the submitter over their dyed hair when the greeter herself has dyed her own hair a very garish bleach blonde.
  • This old woman doesn't want to tell a white lie to a multinational cable company to lower her bills, as she feels it's wrong, yet she has no problem with trying to steal reusable chopsticks from a small family restaurant.
  • The man most vehement about illegal immigrants, to a nonwhite American living legally in Germany, turns out to be a Russian with an expired residency permit, meaning he's the one there illegally!
  • This family with adult children aboard an airliner complains about kids being present in first class with them, and proceed to be easily more of a disturbance than the kids ever were.
  • "Did she just assume I was someone else, and then yell at me for assuming?"
• Identical Stranger: These two cats named Scarf and Pants, to the point where the submitter and their neighbour make a point of giving them differently coloured collars to tell them apart.
• I Reject Your Reality: This roommate slept through an earthquake and the aftershocks, complaining when his other roommates tried to wake him. When they point out news reports, and all the contents on social media, his response? "Massive conspiracy."
• Implausible Deniability:
  • This reprehensible roommate ate from her absent roommates' dishes so it would look like they were the ones leaving dirty dishes in the sink, not her.
  • This woman takes a book from the submitter at a bus stop and refuses to give it back, immediately claiming that the book is hers. When the police come, the woman claims that the book is hers and that the submitter is trying to steal it, even though several witnesses back up the submitter both before and after the police arrive.
• Improbable Age: Brought up in "The Drums Of Life Keep On Swinging", where a church's music director is unsure about letting a fourteen-year-old from the church's youth band play drums for the main service, but relents immediately when the submitter (the teenager's mother) points out that the director joined an orchestra when he was nine. Less than a week later the teenager gets the main service position on a more permanent basis when the previous main service drummer gets caught at his girlfriend's house by his wife.
• Inappropriate Hunger: Far from being afraid or grossed out, this girl got hungry during a marathon of The Walking Dead. "Hey, doesn't that look like sausage links to you guys?"
• I Never Said It Was Poison: In "The Path Less Traveled Can Cause Some Issues", after the submitter tries and fails multiple times to get their neighbour to stop driving his ATV across his lawn, the submitter finds a cable on their property and disconnects it. After throwing a fit about the submitter "disconnecting his cable", the neighbour calls the police, who ask him if he'd done it in retaliation over the ATV issue.
  Interesting — I wasn’t even going to mention the ATV issue, but my neighbor already had.
  So, long story short, the neighbor got a warning ticket for trespassing and admitted to stealing cable.
• In My Language, That Sounds Like...: This person is telling a German friend about an eagle stealing their parents' chickens. The friend gets increasingly confused until he's told that they fly in and snatch them up, at which point he realises he's been confusing "eagle" with "Igel", German for hedgehog.
• Insane Troll Logic:
  • This mother thinks it's "disgusting" to have a brother and sister sleep in the same room because it supposedly encourages incest, even when it's made clear that the brother and sister are two and five, respectively, and wouldn't want to do anything of the sort.
  • This poster's friend read that gays are more likely to be alcoholics, and decided that meant the poster was gay because he drank "too much" (despite drinking less than the friend does) and would go straight if she made him quit drinking.
    (Next stop: Ex-Friend City.)
  • The submitter of "The Internet: If It's Outside Your Normal Experience, Then It Never Happened" frequently gives advice on an internet forum. A user accuses her of lying, because in one post she has a son and is a student, and in another she's an accountant with an autistic daughter. That she has TWO children, and quit her job to go back to college, seems not to have occurred to them.
  • This young woman in a Chinese restaurant overhears the submitter ordering teriyaki chicken, the same thing she had just ordered, and promptly concludes that this was an attempt to hit on her, rounding on him in disgust and calling him a creep. (It's possible — though the wording makes it unclear — that he had specifically mentioned the fact that the order in question was for his wife and that she somehow assumed he was referring to her, though either way it's a pretty absurd conclusion to draw.)
  • “I don’t need a mask; I’m already blind!”
  • When the submitter tells her son that he could potentially be an artist, this mother shoots it down, saying that since no one else in the family can draw, neither can he.
• Insult Backfire:
  • One busybody lady insults the submitter, who is going for breast reduction surgery, by claiming that her husband will leave her for a "real woman" and body shames her by saying she should get tummy reduction. However, it doesn't work, since the submitter is a lesbian and it was her wife's idea for her to get the surgery. She proceeds to give the busybody an epic Take That! by asking if she's there to fix a botched face-lift.
  • This American (who's apparently otherwise really nice) can't seem to comprehend how there just isn't a gun culture in England. After the English submitter comments that guns make them nervous, the American comments, "Imagine being so not used to seeing guns that the sight of one makes you nervous!", only to get this reply:
    Submitter: I know! Isn't it wonderful!
• Insult to Rocks: A friend of the submitter is cautioned to watch their language in the house after calling a politician a "s*** bag", so they amend it to "colostomy bag". Another friend then quips that the analogy doesn't work because "a colostomy bag is useful".
• It's All About Me: As can be seen on that trope's own page.
• Jerkass: As the NAR omnibus page demonstrates.
• Jerkass Realization:
  • After having an unannounced party at 4 in the morning and disturbing the submitter and their very young family, a neighbor shows up at the submitter's door the next morning with gifts for everyone and apologizes for being inconsiderate.
  • A Chinese girl teasing an American tourist for using a fork to eat instead of chopsticks and being too lazy to learn how to use chopsticks is embarrassed and apologizes profusely when said tourist explains that the only reason they can't use chopsticks right now is because their dominant wrist is injured. (Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for the Chinese girl's mother.)
  • When the local tax collector dies unexpectedly, the news apparently doesn't get to everyone in his jurisdiction. One taxpayer berates his daughter on the phone for several minutes until the daughter finally manages to inform the woman that he died, leaving the woman feeling (rather deservedly) guilty.
  • A man cusses out the submitter and their friend when they knock on the door of his house to see if a lost young puppy they just found belongs to him and his wife. Once he comes to the door and sees that they have said puppy, he is very embarrassed and apologizes, having just been angry and frustrated at being unable to find the lost puppy (who belongs to his daughter).
• Jerk with a Heart of Gold: This bus driver is known to be cranky and irritable. The submitter's perception of him changes one day when he abruptly stops his bus to chew out a woman for smoking while pregnant before taking away her cigarettes. Tellingly, the driver – who never apologizes for anything – apologizes to his passengers for the delay. It would later turn out that the woman was his ex-girlfriend and she was pregnant with their child.
• Kids Are Cruel: These Hispanic girls keep another on a swing and push her while they mock her for being white. The girl later becomes clinically depressed and suicidal because she later had to go to school in that area.
• Kindhearted Cat Lover: This submitter's love for cats is seemingly exploited by a stray to get a full-body brush and trim.
• Know-Nothing Know-It-All:
  • This submitter absolutely hates The Twilight Saga, not because it's "cool" to do so or whatever, but because people who have never once set foot in Washington state think they know more about the place than the submitter who has lived there their entire life, thanks to that series.invoked
  • This girl is described as "one of those people that knows everything about everything whether she is familiar with the subject or not." She proves this by convincing most of her friends that the submitter's brother's chair was originally property of the Dalai Lama, when in fact it only dates to the Edwardian era and has been (relatively) recently upholstered.
  • This guy is a chronic mansplainer to women in the internet chat group, and is often ridiculously incorrect (for some reason, the moderators don't kick the guy out). On one instance, he claims that giving birth breaks a woman's hips and is disproven by a female nurse who was walking a few days after she delivered. Another has him claim that oceans can't freeze over, and the submitter disproves him with photographic evidence, which causes the rest of the group to tease him for his idiocy and the guy evidently Rage Quits the group over it.
• Laborious Laziness:
  • At least they realize it.
  • This nimrod neighbour would rather spend hours (if not days) "mowing" his three-quarter acre lawn with a weed whacker than buy gas for his mower.
    Neighbour: I ain’t got time for that.
    Submitter: The store is a mile away.
    Neighbour: Exactly! I ain’t got time for that!
• Large Ham: "This is all the magic of the theeeeeaaaaater!"
• Laser-Guided Karma: Now with its own page!
• Lethal Chef:
  • Whoever is preparing the food at this camp.
    "Wow, I don't think toast is supposed to shatter like that."
  • An allergy denier deliberately serves a potato casserole to a child guest with a known potato allergy, then yells at the child for vomiting blood.
• Lethally Stupid: This mother demands that the submitter hand over his "toys" so that her son can play with them. The "toys" in question? Tide pods. And naturally when the boy slips on a burst pod and hits his head, the mother starts screaming that it's the submitter's fault.
• Let Me Get This Straight...: Used in "Amazed They Passed The Bar" by the submitter questioning how a friend could think that a cocktail which has the word vodka in its name is non-alcoholic. Even worse, this friend is now a practicing lawyer.
• Liquid Courage: Used in "Warning: Take The Advice Of Writers With Caution" to overcome a case of writer's block, although the submitter points out it took a lot of editing once sober to make the result workable.
• Loophole Abuse: Invoked by a neighbor when he's discovered to be stealing the submitters' grandparents' home-grown vegetables and selling them for profit. He asked nobody about it and blames the grandparents for not telling him not to do it. He later gets arrested when it turns out he's also responsible for stealing and eating another neighbor's prized pet rabbits. The submitter quips that perhaps nobody told him he couldn't do that either.
• Mailman vs. Dog: Lampshaded in "Barking On Brand".
  Neighbour (to their dogs): "IT'S JUST THE MAILMAN! WOULD YOU STOP BEING A DOGGIE STEREOTYPE?!"
• Malaproper: This submitter's best friend thinks she needs to have her nose castrated.
• Mama Bear: "Nobody has the right to talk to you like that."
• Manchild: These three roommates punch holes in the wall because "it's funny", and one time, one of them throws a burger at the wall (instead of in a garbage bin two meters away), simply because he didn't like it. By that point, the submitter isn't even surprised at their antics and has given up any hope of seeing a cent of their deposit.
• Man in a Kilt: This guy.
  Woman: "People need to realize that celebrities are regular people. They put their pants on one leg at a time like everyone else."
  Man: *in a kilt, passing by* "I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't put pants on in years."
• The Millstone: In "Riding You The Wrong Way", a woman asks the submitter and their dad if she and her son can ride with them to the submitter's basketball team's championship game, a ten-hour drive across one of Canada's largest provinces. The woman proves to be a hindrance to the submitter and dad, however. First, she stays at the school she works at long enough to have a long conversation with one of her friends while the submitter and her dad wait for them outside (thirty minutes wasted). Then they have to drive back to her house so they can pick up her son and their luggage, and the submitter's dad soon finds out that they hadn't even finished packing yet and were wasting time trying to remember where they were going to be staying at the destination town (another forty-five minutes wasted). Once they actually get to their destination, the woman protests that they need to go to where she and her son are staying before the submitter and their dad check in at the hotel, but at this point, the tired and fed-up dad just tells them to take a taxi. They later find out that the woman had a history of convincing other families to let her and her family ride with them and end up wasting their time doing things that were meaningless or should have already been done. The dad ultimately stays for the entire length of the championship, even though the submitter's team loses early in the event, just to spite her when she immediately wants to go back home.
• Minor Injury Overreaction: This woman starts screaming at the top of her lungs that she is being attacked and is bleeding profusely when a mostly blind dog accidentally bumps into her.
• Mistaken for Faked Disability: The story "But George, WHO ASKED YOU?" has a jerk named George march over to confront the submitter for parking in a handicapped spot at the grocery store under the excuse he's "performing a service". The submitter pulls out his walking cane, schools him on how disabilities aren't always obvious, and points out he's wasting his time playing disability police before going inside. After the submitter takes his pain meds, he walks out of the store, and George tries to confront him again for "faking" before he drives off. The following week, the submitter parks in a regular spot since it's a good day for him, and George tries to call the cops on him, only for the cop to escort him away because he's done this before. George eventually comes back a few months later and tries to accuse the submitter's wheelchair-bound mother of faking it too, prompting the submitter to threaten to hit him with his cane if he doesn't back off.
• Mistaken for Gay: This woman works as a nanny, and says that when she, her employer, and the kids go out together, she gets a glimpse of what same-sex couples with kids have to deal with every day.
• Mistaken for Servant:
  • In "Really Gotta Work On Your Delivery With New Neighbors", the OP is trying to warn a neighbor about the water being cut off to fix a leak, but the neighbor assumes they're a delivery driver come to pick up a parcel, and is too busy yelling at them for being late to let them explain. Eventually the OP gives up, puts the parcel down and goes back into their own house. Cue embarrassed expression as the neighbor realizes how stupid she's been.
  • This racist neighbour observes the (white) submitter's great-niece (who's half-black but looks white) playing with her brother (who's equally half-black but looks vaguely Latino), and tells the submitter it's cute that he's letting his granddaughter play with his "housekeeper's son." Suffice to say, the submitter corrects her.
  • Similarly, when this racist sees a Latino mowing the lawn, she thinks he's a landscaper rather than her new neighbour.
  • This naval officer wears their "dinner dress" uniform to a friend's wedding, only for the bride's sister to mistake him for a waiter.
  • This woman sees the submitter sweeping leaves off the hallway and assumes they work for the building and demands they do the leaves outside their apartment too, not seeming to comprehend that the submitter is in fact their neighbour. When the submitter refuses, the woman sweeps the leaves back in front of the submitter's door.
  • A rare case where this has a positive outcome occurs in A Picture-Perfect Assumption, where a mother taking her kids to the Louvre hears a history buff patron expanding on history related to a certain section to their group and mistakes him for a tour guide. Not only is she very apologetic upon realizing her mistake, but seeing how intrigued her kids are about the exhibits and the additional knowledge that the history buff couple brings, the group ends up inviting the mother and her kids to accompany them through the rest of the museum while acting as their unofficial tour guides.
• Mondegreen Gag:
  • In "Some People Will Make Ice Cream Out Of Anything", an American asks a European what flavour ice cream she's eating. The European responds that it's mango, but due to her heavy accent, the American thinks she's eating mountain goat ice cream.
  • This nanny is from Central America, and has an accent that makes her "Y"s sound like "J"s. As such, Hilarity Ensues when she tells a neighbour that the submitter's sister is going to Yale, which the neighbour hears as her going to jail.
• Mouthful of Pi: How many digits do these two know?
• Mushroom Samba: "Your Friends Are Your Best Anti Drug Campaign" is an example of use of an unspecified hallucinogenic substance that, among other things, causes somebody to believe there are zombies after them.
• Never Heard That One Before: This girl is probably sick of Frozen.
• Never My Fault:
  • This woman rear-ends somebody while going through her bag looking for food, and has the nerve to say after the accident, "Look what you did to my van!"
  • This guy who is mad at the cop who revoked his license after his third DUI!
  • This woman comes across a truck on a very narrow one-lane road. Because her uncle owns the farm, she believes that she has right of way and the truck driver and the dozen cars behind her have to move to let her pass, which the submitter, who's driving the truck, literally can't (as the truck is too wide to allow her to pass). A driver behind the submitter sets her straight, forcing the woman to back up to a passing area. When she is unable to make the turn in reverse, she loses patience and backs into a fence. She immediately blames the submitter for crashing her car (stating outright that he did so directly), threatening to get him fired. The submitter is not amused and drives off, noting that she can call the company, and that his truck has a dashboard camera. The woman calls his boss, stating that the submitter threw her out of the car and drove it through the fence. The submitter shows his boss the footage, who angrily yells at her for abusing staff and making fake claims. She attempts to give the same story to the insurance company, who similarly drops the case upon seeing the footage.
  • This mom tries to put the blame on the submitter when her young daughters get stuck in a pasture after jumping a fence to see the submitters' horses without the submitter's permission, to the point of basically saying: "Well, none of this would have happened if you didn't own the horses in the first place!". This earns her an earful from the submitter's neighbors (her in-laws) while her embarrassed husband apologizes profusely for everything.
  • This girl tries to blame her boyfriend's roommate for leaving "poisoned food" (actually spicy chilis) in the fridge when she's the one who stole and ate them after being told not to.
  • This dunce blames the submitter's family for their dog getting lost, then found and neutered… even though they didn't notice the dog was missing for a week, and the submitter's family found it killing their chickens.
  • This resident blames apartment management for water in his apartment making a mess when the water comes from him filling his bathtub to the brim before getting into it and his refusal to understand the concept of water displacement.
• No Bisexuals: This submitter's friend thinks that bisexuals are just gays that haven't come fully out of the closet yet, and keeps trying to hook the submitter up with men even while the submitter is engaged to a woman and has stopped talking with said "friend".
• No Periods, Period: This poster tries to explain earplugs to her temporary roommate by using tampons as an example, forgetting that her roommate is a trans woman and has never needed to use tampons.
• No Sense of Direction: These two guys were told by their parents that they'd never be able to figure out the way to their university by themselves. From the look of things, their parents were right.
• Nostalgia Filter: This dad gets called out on it.
• No-Holds-Barred Beatdown:
  • A quartet of angry dads run down and pummel a trio of rude neighbors who were firing bottle rockets on a crowded street after one rocket hits one of their wives in the face (severely burning her in the process), after the quartet had politely asked them to stop. While the cops can't do anything more than a light warning (since no one is interested in snitching on the dads), the family of the injured woman takes the three to court and ultimately runs them out of the neighborhood.
  • After this snotty kid pulls the hair of the OP's four-year-old daughter, ten of his Cub Scout mates, who have had to put up with his bullying for the past two years, run over and beat the crap out of him.
• No True Scotsman: This lady seems to think that she is the sole authority on what is Christian and what is not. Anyone who does not fall into her (from what we're shown, very warped) idea of what is Christian, she will make up wild stories about to get them banned from the church - in the submitter's case, she claimed they told her they were a Satanist, because they happened to have been born on Christmas Day. She ends up being the one banned from the church, presumably because she blatantly ignored that Commandment against bearing false witness—one too many times, if the usher's reaction is any indication.
• Not That Kind of Doctor: Invoked by this lady to shut up a stranger pushing her to use either the stranger or one of the stranger's students as a delivery coach when the baby is ready to be born.
  My husband is a doctor.
  (I neglected to mention that my husband's doctorate is a Ph.D. in communications.)
• Obviously Evil: This submitter instantly points at a woman in the movie as being a villain, which turns out to be right and the big reveal of the movie. Her friends, who had previously seen the movie, asked her what made her say so. "Only villains have thick, dark eyebrows in movies."
• One Side of the Story: This nasty neighbor posts an out-of-context picture of a car supposedly noisily rocketing down the road at half past 3 in the morning and waking him up. Commenters are on his side until the car's owner chimes in with their version of events, backed up by dash cam footage: the car is electric so wasn't anywhere near as noisy as the neighbor is implying it was, especially since they were driving at 9mph, which is hardly "speeding like their a** is on fire"; they have to be at work by 4am so have an actual reason to be driving at this seemingly ridiculous time; and the security camera he's using is configured in such a way that its floodlight is set off by cars on the opposite side of the road, and said floodlight is so bright that the dash cam footage whites out and shows that they were forced to slow down because they were dazzled. The moment the owner chimes in, the commenters become hostile towards the neighbor, and unable to defend himself due to the damning dash cam footage, he ends up deleting the post and reconfiguring his security camera to only be set off by things going onto his property.
• One-Steve Limit: Averted in "Call Of The Search", where another local man has the same name as the poster's father and receives a call intended for the dad from a member of the Rabbi Search Committee who looked him up in the phone book. They manage to have a lengthy conversation as to what he is looking for in a candidate, and the issue is only revealed when the committee member sends her best to the dad's wife and kids (in other words, the poster and the rest of their family), and the other person is confused because that isn't his wife's name. When the caller points out she introduced herself as being from the Rabbi Search Committee at the beginning of the call, and that the person she is talking to isn't even a member of the synagogue, he explains his church is looking for a new minister and he thought she was making a joke.
• OOC Is Serious Business: The submitter's mother-in-law sees that her uncle had given her $500 out of nowhere. Given that he's a tightwad, she immediately knows something is wrong. Sure enough, they discover that he had attempted suicide. Luckily, they reach him in time and he recovers.
• Omniglot: This guy.
• Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?: Invoked in "Pizza Eventually Equals Happiness".
• Orphaned Punchline: The end result of "ATM Is A Hamburglar".
• Papa Wolf: Do NOT insult this man's daughter. One Offscreen Moment of Awesome later, he's driven the bully to tears. The comments contain a story about a Mama Bear in a similar situation as well.
• Parental Neglect: This mother, out of the blue, asks her neighbour – who she doesn't know that well – to babysit her daughter while she takes care of something. The neighbour tries to explain that she's disabled and not equipped to take care of a child, but the mother won't hear it, and when the neighbour slams the door in her face, she leaves her daughter outside the neighbour's door anyway. The neighbour responds by calling the police, and it turns out the mother had a history of using "me time" as an excuse to ignore her daughter. Case in point; the reason she left the daughter with the neighbour was so she could get her nails done. Thankfully, the incident results in the mother losing custody of her daughter, and she's much happier with her father.
• Parking Payback:
  • In "You Reap What You Tow", a young woman steals the submitter's assigned parking space at the apartment complex where the submitter lives. After reasoning with the woman just gets the submitter insulted, the submitter simply informs the manager, who has the offending woman's car towed.
  • A couple find their reserved parking space at the apartment complex repeatedly taken by a local business owner. When confrontation fails and there's nothing apartment management or security can do, they end up parking their car behind her BMW, blocking it into the space... and then leave for a two-week vacation. She has to take public transit until they return.
  • After shoveling snow so their visiting uncle can park, the narrator finds that a stranger has stolen the cleared spot. So they put the snow back... all of it.
    If this person wanted this spot so badly, then they could do the work for it.
  • This woman is mad that the submitter isn't driving forward to get onto the main road. She goes ballistic to the point that she gets out of the car (leaving the driver embarrassed) and presses her face against the window and even begins rattling the lock. Fortunately, it only takes one loud honk to scare her off.
  • This lady harasses a stranger for a parking space in the middle of an empty parking lot, and is shocked when the stranger curses her out in retaliation.
  • This guy tries to reserve five cars' worth of parking spaces to protect his fancy sports car, much to his neighbours' frustration. Later, when the eruption of Eyjafjallajökull deposits volcanic ash onto his car, he tries washing it off. The submitter tries to advise him against this, but the guy tells them to "f*** off", so the submitter relents, opting not to tell him that washing volcanic ash off his car with water is a good way to scour off the paintjob…
  • After this neighbour parks his trailer in the submitter's parents' driveway one too many times, the submitter takes the trailer, and tows it into a nearby field.
• Poke the Poodle: Behold, Darth Vader telling a little boy he doesn't have to eat his vegetables.
• Poor Communication Kills: This girl gets her period while hanging out with both long-time friends and some new friends, who are mostly guys. She has no feminine products and the one other girl doesn't have any. She doesn't want to explain what's going on (since it's a feminine issue, obviously) so she makes vague excuses to leave so she can get supplies at the pharmacy. Later, the girl's long-time friends tell her that the new friends don't want to hang out with her anymore because they thought she was acting weird and that she was a "psycho-loner-paranoid-b***". Several comments point out that she could have told them anyway or just said that she needed to get something at the pharmacy and they probably would have understood.
• Pop-Cultural Osmosis Failure:
  • A type 3 version occurs in "In His Darkest Knight".
  • This friend asks if Revenge of the Sith has a sequel… after he and his friends had all watched all five other movies the previous week. Later on, he's confused as to what another friend's younger brother is supposed to be when he pops out wearing a Darth Vader mask.
    Friend #2: “What was he supposed to be, some kind of robot?”
    His twin sister smacks him on the back of the head.
    Twin Sister: “I’m sorry, everyone. I have tried so hard with him, but I’m giving it up as a lost cause. If it’s not chess, math, Torah studies, or a musical, he just won’t pay attention.”
• Precocious Crush: Crossed with Geeky Turn-On: "Mommy, she likes Optimus Prime, too! Can I marry her?"
• Produce Pelting: This submitter threw a bad apple from their apartment balcony at a carful of people talking loudly late at night and keeping them up. It successfully drove them away.
• Real Joke Name: "Doesn't Fall For The Riddle" features a Voldemort cosplayer whose name really is Tom Riddle.
• Racial Face Blindness: These two decide to mess with a kid who thinks this.
• Racist Grandma:
  • This old lady actually calls the police on a black kid convinced he was up to no good. When his friends assure her that isn't the case, she flat-out tells them they shouldn't make friends with black people.
  • An ableist grandma in "We Wouldn't Want Any Of This Grandma's Cookies" discourages her grandson being friends with a one-legged girl in his class, because she'll make him mentally disabled. The girl's older sibling points out how that's literally not possible because a) mental disability is not contagious and b) the girl is herself not mentally disabled, just missing a leg, but the grandma just walks away, dragging her grandson with her. (Fortunately, it seems the other kid's parents caught on to how bad his grandmother was, as the girl later finds out that he's no longer spending time with his grandmother on his own.)
  • In a similar vein, this old woman nosily and insensitively tells a kid who uses crutches that she should stop eating burgers as to not gain weight and then gets concerned because the kid is hanging out with her black cousin.
• Reflexive Response: This woman is apparently so used to negative commentary about her multiple tattoos and piercings that she responds negatively to a compliment about her dress before realizing what the other person said.
• Refuge in Audacity: Attempted but ultimately failed by this Christian lady, who has very strict views on what is and is not Christian, and if anyone in her church falls short of those, she makes up stories about them to get them banned from the church, such as claiming a teen mother admitted to having raped the father of her child, that a bi-curious boy admitted to organizing weekly orgies, and that the submitter – who happened to be born on Christmas Day – was a Satanist. After the submitter gets to tell their side of the story, the church cottoned on, investigated her other claims, and ultimately banned the woman from the church while welcoming back those she'd had unjustly removed.
• Relative Error: A lady tries to shame an older man for having dinner at a restaurant with a girl young enough to be his daughter. The man replies that the girl in question is his daughter, shaming the nosy lady instead for making assumptions.
• Retroactive Recognition: An In-Universe example as two friends watch 12 Angry Men and one of them points out that one of the jurors was the voice of Piglet.
• Rich in Dollars, Poor in Sense: This wealthy mother thinks it's weird that some women could just give money to a homeless man. At least her son understands.
• Right for the Wrong Reasons: This student on a ski trip is paranoid about injury on the slopes, so he decks himself out in thick golden armour, which earns him the moniker "Thanos" and mockery from a number of people, including the submitter. They laugh a little less when "Thanos" finds himself accosted by two rude and racist women who start punching him and hitting him with their ski poles. Afterward, "Thanos" chuckles that thanks to his armour, he hardly felt a thing. (Although this Not Always Learning story suggests he was also right for the right reasons — unless there was another skiing student in Thanos armour who was protected from being injured on the slopes and "getting into a fistfight with a pair of very rude Americans".)
• Road Trip Across the Street: This poster's roommate can't figure out how he'll get his coffee while his car is being repaired... what do you mean, it's only a two-minute walk to the coffee shop?
• Rocks Fall, Everyone Dies: This friend had the entire party die in a terrorist attack at the start of his third campaign, claiming it was a lesson that sometimes there was nothing that could be done. The submitter declares that he'll never join one of his games again, later bringing up the incident (and others) when he tries to start a fourth campaign.
• Rouge Angles of Satin: In "The Wight Way To Handle It", taking place during the height of the Black Lives Matter movement, a family goes out to find their picket fence tagged with a misspelled racist message left by a local bigot reading "Wight Lives Matter". The family just laughs at the horrible grammar and, observing that "wight" is another word for zombie (often used in D&D), they add a bunch of zombie Halloween decorations to their yard carrying picket signs reading things like "My rights don't stop just because my heart did!" and "Necromancy is your body's extended warranty", much to the amusement of their neighbors. As the submitter remarks: "You can hate, or you can spell, but not both at the same time."
• Sadistic Choice: This father is forced to choose between not being there for his wife when she gives birth (due to the baby being a couple weeks overdue, not helped by the mother's mother being unable to make it to help like planned), or foregoing a hunting trip to stock up on food for that winter. His hunting buddies encourage him to stay home, which he does, and his buddies come back with extra game that they hunted just for this family.
• Sarcastic Confession: "I just robbed [Supermarket]!"
• Schoolyard Bully All Grown Up: "You Can Lose All The Weight You Want, But You’ll Still Be A Jerk" centres around the submitter and her friend bumping into another woman who is angry that the submitter's friend snagged the last Diet Coke. Then the friend recognizes the woman as a former bully of theirs who's as nasty as she always was.
  It turns out that [Woman] really was a nasty piece of work and made a lot of people’s lives h***. She kept on bullying people until she couldn’t keep a job or even a social media account.
• Screw Politeness, I'm a Senior!: One old lady tries to cut in line, using her age as an excuse. The lady she tries to cut in front of, however, points out that she's even older and tells her to get back in line.
• The Scrooge: In "Never Depend On The Kindness Of Strangers", the submitter lists clothes that their son has outgrown on Facebook Marketplace and offers either the equivalent of $5 US dollars or some chocolate for their kid, otherwise they'll put it by the community trash bin. Much to the submitter's disgust, the first five messages or so that they receive ask about which trash bin the clothes will be placed by, suggesting that there were people who couldn't even be bothered to drop literal pocket change for it.
• Seen It All: This poster is a nurse who is completely blasé when one of their roommates asks them to drive her boyfriend to the hospital after a sexual Ass Shove gone wrong, saying that the hospital staff has seen quite enough of that kind of stuff to not care.
• Serious Business:
  • This woman is so insistent that everybody puts ice in their drinks that when the submitter doesn't do so, she tries to make them do so and then complains about them to a restaurant employee when the submitter still doesn't. (The submitter leaves, very confused, before they can see what happened next.)
  • For this paninari "urban tribe", one person threatens to leave over the question of who the tribe's favourite band is.
• Shame If Something Happened: The OP in "The Key To Decent Parking" says as much when two women park their nice new convertible in spots reserved for parents with small children.
• Separated by a Common Language: Sadly for OP's "friend" in "Pardon My French", who thinks bringing her Cajun buddy to a party will get her in the door. Thanks to being thousands of miles apart, Canadian French and Cajun French are quite different from each other, so much so that fluent speakers of either languages have trouble understanding each other. However, the Canadian finds the Cajun's version of French fascinating and invites her (alone) to the party to learn more about it.
• Sherlock Scan: This girl is good at it.
• Shout-Out:
  • This person thinks a friend of theirs just admitted to being a smoker; the submitter assures her he did not, after guessing that said friend also said something about it being dark and him wearing sunglasses.
  • "Humanity Is A Bit Smudged", intentionally or otherwise, is reminiscent of a particular scene from Attack on Titan.
  • "Doesn't Bear Repeating" is one big shout out to Groundhog Day.
  • The title of "Looks Like She's One Of Today's 10,000!" is a reference to the xkcd strip "Ten Thousand".
• Skewed Priorities: As seen on the Not Always Right omnibus page.
• Sore Loser: This Guild Leader in World of Warcraft gets beaten out by another guild member (the submitter) on a chance to win an incredibly rare mount by one number on his dice roll, causing him to panic and try to change the guild settings so that he gets priority on drops^note unaware that, as noted by the comments, there wasn't a way for him to do so at that point since the mount had already dropped and been presented to the submitter, so he was already chuck out of luck. When that doesn't work, he throws a tantrum and kicks the submitter from his guild when the submitter declines to trade the rare mount over to him. Afterward, he begins sending abusive and threatening DMs and even death threats to the submitter, which puts off the rest of his guild so much that they leave his guild en masse.
• Stating the Simple Solution: A hobby model builder/painter is shocked that one of his fellow hobbyists is colorblind, and wonders how they can know the colors are right. The colorblind hobbyist replies that they read the labels on the paints.
• Stay in the Kitchen:
  • This guy really doesn't want to accept the fact that there are female Batman fans out there. Even when she proves she knows more about the series than he does, and even after his friend calls him an asshole over it, he still continues insisting that the submitter is a "fake" geek. Somehow.
  • This guy refuses to accept that a woman is not having any trouble carrying a ten-gallon fish tank and, even after she repeatedly tells him it's fine, forcibly takes it from her - only to immediately drop and shatter it because it's too heavy for him. He then promptly goes the Never My Fault route, acting as though she forced him to carry it just so he'd drop it and injure himself and, when she and her boyfriend find him and force him to pay for a replacement, only getting her a five-gallon one, saying, "Maybe you won't drop it this time."
  • While preparing to substitute for her brother as tabletop game master, this girl is told by two classmates that "girls can't roleplay". Then when the brother tells his gaming group that his sister is going to be GM, all of them refuse to attend.
• Strange Minds Think Alike:
  • "F***!"
  • "It's the circle of liiiiife!"
• Straw Feminist: The poster's friend's friend in "Femi-non-ism" takes exception to the very idea of her enjoying cooking for her boyfriend, claiming she's been brainwashed by the patriarchy into believing she belongs in the kitchen. Both the poster and her friend point out that, in fact, feminism means she can do what she wants, including the cooking if she desires (oh, and by the way, she's also teaching him to cook.)
• Straw Vegetarian: This student, widely known for jumping on fads solely for the "prestige" of being in favor of that fad, decided to go vegan and announced this by verbally abusing a fellow student eating a burger. By the second day, he'd had it with her and threw his burger patty at her face. Within a month, she'd gone back to eating meat:
  Turns out she hopped into veganism without doing even the slightest bit of research, and malnourished herself into the hospital.
• Stripper/Cop Confusion:
  • This woman attempts to flirt with a guy in a cop uniform and doesn't realize that he's actually a stripper until he outright says so despite the fact that she noticed the Velcro in his trousers.
  • The guy in "Hot Pursuit" mentions that it's quite frequent for him as a male cop working in a college town to be mistaken as a stripper by drunk underage sorority girls.
• Stupid Crooks: A mother attempting to kidnap her own child from her ex-husband decides now is a great time to try and steal a passenger's Nintendo Switch.
• Sturdy and Steady Turtles: Meet S, a rather large, rather irascible snapping turtle who scares off an illegally fishing trespasser.
  The fisherman turns to see what it is caught on and, instead of a rock, sees an angry prehistoric scrotum with teeth and kevlar meandering its way toward him.
• Suddenly Fluent in Gibberish: This girl.
• Talking in Your Sleep: One guy on a camping trip begins spouting off non-sequiturs in his sleep, much to his friend's confusion.
• Tastes Like Disdain: In "A Time For Giving Only", the OP brings their best friend's family a basket of homemade treats for Christmas, but the friend and her daughter are both upset because the OP only brought food and not any "real" presents. So the OP takes it back, despite the daughter's protests.
• Tastes Like Feet:
  • To one girl, dandelion juice takes like earwax. Her friend wonders how she knows that.
  • "That's... oddly specific. Do you have experience with that?"
  • "Do I want to know how you know what kitty litter tastes like?"
• Thanks for the Mammaries: When an irritated neighbor goes on a rampage in the gym locker room, this shy submitter's more confident friend body-blocks the angry woman from the submitter's stall and, since she was reaching for the shower curtain at the time, accidentally gives her a handful. The woman is more horrified that she touched a boob than the friend is at having the boob touched.
• That Came Out Wrong: "Fuck them. Wait, no, I'm wrong. Don't do that."
  • "My school serves ages five to fourteen. My girlfriend is a student." One flurry of upset friends' emails later, the submitter manages to clarify that their girlfriend is a full-time college student.
• This Ain't Rocket Surgery: Claiming to not be a rocket scientist when confused backfires on the submitter's friend in "A Lockheed Blockhead"; the friend in question is an aerospace engineer for Lockheed Martin, so he actually is a rocket scientist.
• The Talk: This teenager's parents take a "teens gonna do what teens gonna do" attitude and put a free supply of condoms in the bathroom for them and their friends to take, as well as teaching them the correct way to use one, and about consent.
• They Just Don't Get It: Now has its own page.
• Tomato Surprise: The twist at the end of "Scouting Around For The Truth", in which a parent argues with his son's Beaver Scout leader, is that it's secretly a Not Always Related story; they're brother and sister.
• Too Dumb to Fool: A computer scammer reaches this roommate, who due to a combination of ditziness and sleep deprivation interprets the scammer's mention that his computer has a virus to mean that he should smash his computer to pieces with a hammer. Fortunately, he didn't lose any data, as his addled mind went solely after the monitor.
• Too Dumb to Live:
  • This skateboarder wipes out and his skateboard ends up going under a car stopped at a traffic light. Skateboarder then crawls under the vehicle to retrieve his board. Had the car behind the submitter's car not honked when it started to go when the light turned green, the skateboarder would have had far bigger problems than just needing to get a new skateboard.
  • This contractor decides to work with a powerful nailgun without safety glasses or a hard hat and winds up putting a nail through his eye.
• Took a Level in Jerkass: This submitter's former friend is noted that she used to be a friendly girl who was cool to hang out with. But over time, she became more and more selfish, with the final nail in the coffin being that she insulted the submitter for hating fish twice, despite the submitter noting that fish makes her gag and lose her appetite. Also, as one more twist to the knife, she called the common interests that brought them together in the first place "childish." What was left of that friendship came to an end after that, with the submitter sadly noting that she still misses the person this now ex-friend used to be, but she's changed for the worse.
• Trash of the Titans: The family in "Messing With The Ice Cream Truck Was The Final Straw" are described as being more concerned with buying their 'street corner medications' than paying the garbage bill, so trash piles up in the front yard until it's taller than six feet, and it takes a visit from CPS to force them to clean up. When the family is eventually forced to move out, it takes months of cleanup before it's deemed habitable again.
• Tyrannical Homeowners' Association:
  • This racist "HOA monster" repeatedly makes complaints about her neighbours, viewing the street as "her street" and (loudly) stating that things like yard sales shouldn't be held without her say-so. When a couple of Hispanic neighbourhood kids set up a lemonade stand to raise money for charity, she raises absolute hell, calling the police on them. When the police begin to take the kids' side, she tells them that they're paid "to do as I say, not take the word of some border-jumping Mexicans!" What she hasn't noticed is that one of the deputies is Hispanic. Not only is her complaint ignored, but the submitter points out that she's leaving her children alone to bitch at the neighbours, arousing the deputies' interest. Furthermore, her attempt to get a local newspaper to report on the "criminal activity" blew up in her face, as the reporter instead wrote on her heavy-handedness. Three weeks later, possibly as a result of the police's investigation or bad publicity from the newspaper, she moved out of the neighbourhood.
  • This HOA try to enforce their regulations on an apartment complex that isn't even part of their jurisdiction, harassing residents with notes detailing proper "ettiquette" over random things like yard tidiness or how cars should be parked. It comes to a head when the HOA head is caught taking holiday decorations off of peoples' doors. Even as multiple residents point out the complex isn't part of the HOA, the HOA head refuses to back down and gets himself arrested.
  • This "HOA woman" demands that the submitter move their "fast-looking car," claiming that having it out will "influence my son to be a hooligan like you" (which the submitter responds to by cursing her out). She then tries to get the HOA to vote on a ban on residents working on "fast-looking cars" in their driveways, but the idea is laughed out of the room.
  • This HOA neighborhood used to be fine as the president was a Reasonable Authority Figure, but when she moved away, the next president was a HOA stereotype who handed out fines for the stupidest of things. It takes the neighborhood's security company stepping in, first by leaving residents notes explaining how to do things legally so the HOA president can't complain, then by blackmailing the entire board into resigning (via threatening them with triple security fees and blacklisting them from all the area's security agencies) to stop the power trip.
  • This HOA member, dubbed "Carol", gets Drunk with Power and makes the lives of the residents in the neighborhood a living hell by pegging them with fines for ridiculous reasons^{such as...}not putting their trash out for collection by 7 AM (and setting it out the night before is not acceptable either; there could be a raccoon outside), not shoveling your sidewalk after snowfall by 9 AM even if it's still snowing ("I’m forty-nine years old and I get up at 6 AM shoveling, what’s your excuse?", claims Carol, even though she gets her son to do it for her), still having your Christmas decorations out on December 26th (and you absolutely must decorate for Christmas or get fined; who wants a "boring" house during the holidays?), have company stay overnight ("how do we know the visitor isn't doing something illegal overnight?", claims Carol), or even just getting food delivered ("how do we know those delivery drivers aren't delivering drugs?", claims Carol) or ordering from Amazon and not immediately bringing it inside ("it could be dangerous and makes you look like a terrorist", claims Carol, who had one of her lackeys confiscate it). As a result, the neighborhood is miserable and, to make matters worse, due to the housing market at the time they can't just easily move away either. Eventually, some new neighbors, a mixed-race lesbian couple dubbed "Angel" and "Hope", happen to move in after one household escapes and Carol goes into overdrive, pegging the couple with even more ludicrous fines in an attempt to bully them out of the neighborhood so they don't lower the property value. But unfortunately for Carol, Hope is a lawyer who, after she and her wife get all the fines piled onto them, do some investigating with Angel's prompting. They and the rest of the neighbors discover that not only did Carol not ever have the authority to enforce any of the fines she was pegging on the neighborhood according to the neighborhood by-laws, but after the neighbors all pool their evidence together (including footage from doorbell cameras required by the HOA), there's enough evidence to not only file a harassment charge against Carol and her cronies, but also enough evidence that Carol's increased (and downright hypocritical, as Angel observed their other neighbors doing the things she and Hope were fined for unpunished) harassment of the lesbian couple in comparison to the other neighbors to drive them out constituted a targeted hate crime. After investigation proves the cases correct, Carol and her cronies are fired from the HOA board immediately and Carol moves away from the neighborhood in disgrace shortly afterward due to being Hated by All. The neighborhood celebrates this victory with a big barbeque.
• Unfortunate Implications: invoked One friend explains to another, who's about to get married, why having the Joker and Harley Quinn as wedding cake toppers may send the wrong message.
• Ungrateful Bastard:
  • It seems that beggars can be choosers.
  • When this mother and her young daughter get a huge basket of Christmas treats from the submitter, they complain about only getting treats and not "real" presents. The submitter promptly takes the basket back and stops talking to the family altogether.
• Unintelligible Accent: This Northern Irish missionary brings home friends he made in Africa. But he hails from Ballymena, a town known for a very thick local accent. When the missionary and his friends are invited to a dinner by a local farmer and the farmer says grace, the Africans had to have it explained to them afterwards that what they heard was in fact English.
• Unsportsmanlike Gloating: This chess player dethrones the reigning champ of a chess tournament and proceeds to relentlessly bully and rub it in the champion's face even after being asked to stop by the officials (while the champion remains calm the entire time). The sore winner is disqualified on the spot, then dragged out of the building kicking and screaming by security when he throws a tantrum, which results in him being banned from the tournament for life. To top it off, the egomaniac actually tries to sue the tournament for kicking him out. Not only is his case thrown out almost immediately (thanks to there being a large crowd of witnesses to his tantrum in the tournament), but he is then banned from every chess tournament in the state.
• Video Call Fail: Or rather, Video Communion Fail, as this minister's attempt to give communion online (during the COVID-19 Pandemic) winds up being crashed by his hungry cat.
  Congregation Member: "Rev., I think the cat wants communion, too."
• Viewer Species Confusion: In-Universe example in "Puffin And Puffin Until You're Blue". At a Belgian zoo, the submitter overhears a visitor referring to either a blue heron or a seagull (the syntax is ambiguous) as a perroquet de mer (literally, "sea parrot"), a French common name for the Atlantic puffin.
• Waxing Lyrical: And in a demonic voice, no less.
• Weird Weather: Features in "Not Sure Whether We Can Weather This Weather", where in the span of a mere twenty minutes tourists in a Greek tourist town go from enjoying a pleasant summer morning to having to scramble for shelter when a freak weather pattern over the Mediterranean Sea that not even the local weather report was able to predict turned what was supposed to just be a few rain showers into what is described by the submitter as feeling like they were in the middle of a hurricane.
• Wham Line: In "A Talkative Toddler Saves The Day", the submitter had befriended the family next door who spoke a mix of Farsi and English, which had a little boy and a toddler girl. She found the toddler crying on her doorstep one day and saying "Mama, mama" with a mix of Farsi. The submitted called for the toddler's mother over the fence, worried the child had gotten lost. Despite not being fluent in English, the toddler manages to say, "Mama fall down! Mama bang, bang bang! Fall down." This alerted the submitter that something terrible had happened; she climbed over the fence to help. It turned out that an electric kettle had released a discharge which made the mother's heart stop, and she collapsed on the floor; the submitter dialed emergency services and performed CPR, saving the woman's life.
• Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: Or, in this case, puppets, birds, and running water.
• Wild Teen Party: These students, living on their own for the first time, start hosting wild parties on a regular basis as soon as they move in, driving their neighbours crazy with the noise, and blocking neighbours' driveways. When the submitter and their husband call the police about the parking, the students retaliate by doubling down on the madness, blaring music even louder and doing so all day and all night and finding new ways to harass the neighbours until the students' landlord decides to put an end to it by moving into the building, forcing them to behave themselves lest they be evicted.
• Worst Aid: This friend attempts to help the choking narrator by punching her in the back - despite having been recently taught the proper way to assist a choking victim.
• Worst Wedding Ever: Invoked with "Sounds Like A Good Dothraki Wedding To Us." The story centers around a wedding that the submitter calls either "a total disaster or a laugh-out-loud redneck fest" that takes place at a fire company banquet hall. After the ceremony, a number of guests get drunk on moonshine, and when they're told not to drink there, they wind up chased out of the hall by the fire chief, then ordered off the property by police. One elderly guest has enough gravy on his plate that it's spilling. And the night concludes with the bride having a drunken argument with her mother before puking on her dress, then screams at the submitter for corpsing at her before she has to be stuffed into a pickup truck and taken away. The submitter never found out how long the marriage lasted.
• You Are Not Alone: The above story about phobias under Why Did It Have to Be Snakes? — the woman is ashamed of her reaction to the puppeteer on TV, until her husband's friends relate their own phobias to her and reassure her that she's not weird.
• You Keep Using That Word: When these neighbours leave an abusive note on the submitter's car, the submitter responds by crumpling up the note and throwing it onto their lawn. This prompts the neighbours to run out claiming the submitter "assaulted" them.
• Your Tomcat Is Pregnant: This pair of travelling hippies bring along a goat in hopes it will provide milk for them. Neither of them seem to understand that the pair of round objects hanging underneath the goat isn't an udder…