Mongolian Erectile Dysfunction was an animated web short by FatKidWithAJetPak that was uploaded on Newgrounds and YouTube in 2010.
The short is a parody of the classic Tootsie Pop commercial where a boy asks Mr. Owl how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. It begins with Mr. Owl trying to masturbate, only to be interrupted by the boy and to be pestered by him again asking the question of how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. The angered owl tells the boy to consult Mr. Turtle instead, which is where the title of the short comes from: the pedophiliac turtle has a brain disease called Mongolian erectile dysfunction, which causes him to throw up whenever he's sexually aroused by something, the Tootsie Pop boy for example.
Tropes:
- Adaptational Jerkass: While Mr. Owl was originally depicted as an arrogant Unwise Owl who not only doesn't answer the boy's question, but also eats his Tootsie Pop, here he's depicted as a complete utter asshole who can't go one sentence without swearing or screaming extremely loudly at the kid, which is hardly warranted by the fact that he's driven insane by the kid constantly asking him how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
- Adaptational Villainy: In the original commercial, Mr. Turtle politely answered the boy that he didn't know how many licks it took to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop and suggested he consult Mr. Owl. Here, Mr. Turtle is portrayed as a pedophile who intended to rape the boy.
- Adapted Out: Mr. Cow and Mr. Fox, two other animals from the extended version of the original commercial, do not appear nor are mentioned in this video. Granted, the longer cut of the commercial isn't as widely known in the public conscious.
- Artistic License – Biology: The title of the short refers to a condition Mr. Turtle is portrayed as having, which The Stinger explains as being a faulty wiring of the brain that makes one unable to achieve an erection and to instead vomit or empty bowels when sexually aroused.
- Big Word Shout:Timmy: Mr. Owl, how many licks does it really take to get to the cen-
Mr. Owl: I'LL TELL YOU HOW MANY LICKS! NONE!!!!! THAT'S HOW MANY! - Big "WHY?!": Mr. Owl has one when he asks god why Timmy keeps coming to ask him his question.
- Black Comedy: The short runs on it, from Mr. Turtle being a pedophile with a made-up brain disease, to Mr. Owl killing himself at the end.
- Borrowed Catchphrase: Mr. Owl says the boy's famous Tootsie Pop question in the middle of his rant.
- Broken Record: All Timmy says is some variant of "How many licks does it really take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?"
- Caught with Your Pants Down: Timmy walks in on Mr. Owl while he's trying to masturbate.
- Deranged Animation: This short has a lot of it, especially in the scenes with Mr. Owl ranting.
- Despair Speech: Mr. Owl has one when Timmy comes in to bug him for the second time:Mr. Owl: What the fuck?! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?! I tell you every single fucking day the same answer, and you just come back and ask the same goddamn question! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE TO YOU?! WHY, GOD?! WHYYYYYYY?!
- Driven to Suicide: In the end, Mr. Owl can't take being asked the question repeatedly any longer and stabs himself in the chest.Mr. Owl: SLIT! SLIT MY THROAT! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! (Mr. Owl screams before he stabs himself and dies)
- Large Ham: Mr. Owl, oh so very much.
- Named by the Adaptation: While the boy was never named in the original commercial, the short has Mr. Turtle address him as Timmy.
- NO INDOOR VOICE: Mr. Owl screams all of his dialogue at the top of his lungs.
- Non Sequitur: Mr. Owl starts apologizing for his mother for a Noodle Incident of sorts while in the middle of his Despair Speech.
- Rule of Three: Quite literally when Mr. Owl finally answers Timmy's question:Mr. Owl: THREEEEEEEEE!!! IT'S THREEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! It's always been, it always will be, and it will never ever be anything BUT THREEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
- Sanity Slippage: The more times Timmy comes in to bother Mr. Owl, the more he descents into insanity. At one point, he is shown in a fetal position on a spiraling backdrop.
- Screaming at Squick: Timmy screams and runs away when Mr. Turtle vomits all over his Tootsie Pop.
- Sir Swears-a-Lot: Mr. Owl cusses a lot in the video, which is especially noticeable because Timmy and Mr. Turtle do not swear at all.Mr. Owl: I'VE BEEN IN THIS TREE FOR THREE FUCKING MINUTES, TRYING TO MASTURBATE, YOU COME IN ASKING THE SAME GOD DAMN QUESTION YOU ALWAYS ASK! "MR. OWL! HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET THE THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE ROLL POP?!" GOD FUCKING DAMNIT MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!
- The Stinger: The short ends with a fake dictionary entry explaining what Mongolian Erectile Dysfunction is.
- Subverted Kids' Show: This is a parody of the classic Tootsie Pop commercial that includes such adult content as Mr. Owl attempting to masturbate and constantly swearing as well as Mr. Turtle being portrayed as a pedophile trying to rape the boy.
- Title Drop: "Why don't you go ask that FUCKING retarded turtle that has Mongolian erectile dysfunction disease and see what he has to say?!"
- Vomit Indiscretion Shot: Mr. Turtle pukes a lot on-screen because of his Mongolian Erectile Dysfunction condition.