The Reason You Suck Speech / CM Punk

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Punk: Nothing stops me! And before you cut me off: Raven, the reason I hate you, the reason, in my heart of hearts why I hate you, is because I didn't know any better when I was a little kid. When my dad came home smelling like beer, I thought it was a hard day's work he was doing! I didn't realize he was out at the bar, I didn't realize "work" meant "unemployment office". I didn't think it was strange for someone to come home from work and have to take an Old Style up into the shower while he was in the shower, I didn't think it was strange for someone to pass out! I thought an Old Style, a pack a day was the norm! Raven, my father is exactly! Like! you! And since day one in Ring of Honor, where fighting spirit is supposed to be revered, things aren't supposed to be this way! I'd shake your hand like a normal man, but see, the truth is I don't respect you! I hate you! I hate you for everything you've pissed away, everything I've scraped and I've clawed for, that I haven't even earned yet, that you got handed to you, and you flushed down a toilet! For what? For pills? For booze? For alcohol? For women? I am born of your poison society, so on the 17th of July, I will become a monster to fight the monsters of the world, and your time in Ring of Honor will be done! And that is a promise! Because this is true! This is real! THIS... IS... STRAIGHT EDGE!!!

Punk: Now far be it from me to think I owe any of you people any kind of an explanation as to why I did what I did, but I just can't resist. See, what kind of an evil genius would I be if I didn't extol to you my master plan? The only difference being, my master plan has already come to fruition. I have, in my hands, what I set out to get, so I'll explain to you now exactly why it is I did what I did. See, if I may, I would like to tell you a story, and I know the last time I told you a story, some of you were a little heartbroken. But I assure you, this story ends a little differently.
You see, about a year and a half ago, I was still working for a company called Total Nonstop Action. Me and a couple of buddies of mine were told that we could no longer wrestle for Ring Of Honor, so what we did, and I'll name names: myself, Jerry Lynn, The Phenomenal AJ Styles, and "The Fallen Angel" Christopher Daniels, all decided to have a little bit of a meeting late Wednesday night in Nashville, Tennessee. And I sat there and I ate my food, I looked across the table at AJ Styles, who was the NWA World Champion at the time, a belt which, by the way, is nothing compared to the belt I hold in my hands right here. And I watched as AJ could barely eat his food, he certainly couldn't look me in the eye, because what we all agreed was if we stuck together, we could work for Ring Of Honor, we could work for whoever we wanted. I faxed a copy of my contract to the TNA offices and highlighted the part that said I could wrestle for whoever I wanted as long as their name was not Vincent K. McMahon or they were running a pay-per-view. I explained myself to AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels. I said, "AJ, you hold the belt, you hold the power, you can do things, they have to listen to what you say." They looked me in the eye and they said, "We're with you, Punk, we're gonna stick together."
But I being done with them, I knew that was the nail in my coffin, so I made my decision, and I stayed here and I stuck with Ring of Honor, and I like to think that I built this place. And I know for a fact that there would not be a Ring of Honor for Christopher Daniels or AJ Styles to come crawling back to if it wasn't for me! Who do you think built this company? Whose merchandise money do you think paid all those guardrails and this canvas? [Crowd chants "Joe!"] Oh, Samoa Joe? Is that what you think? Do you think Samoa Joe was in the ring every day, training kids, eating, sleeping, breathing Ring of Honor like I was? No, he wasn't! And Chris Daniels, and AJ Styles, and even Low Ki turned their back on this company, and I stood tall, and I stayed here, and what did I get for it, huh? You people shit all over me! Because it was always "When's AJ coming back? Oh, Low Ki throws nice kicks! Oh, Chris Daniels is so great!" and the whole time, CM Punk, much like Atlas, had this entire world up on his shoulders, lifting it up, building up the young guys, showing the way, teaching them, and making sure you losers have a place to come hang out every Friday and Saturday night!
Everybody else turned their back on this company except for me, and you turn your back on me! I wasn't qualified to run the school, I'm sloppy, I'm this, I'm that, but the fact is, I was the backbone of this company, and now, I am the champion, and I hold the most important belt in the world, and there's nothing any of you people can do about it!
So now, fast forward about a year, and I get an offer from another company. I've got an offer from the WWE. And what do I hear? I hear "Please don't go! Please don't go!" Let me hear it now! Where are you now, huh? [Crowd chants "You sold out!"] All you people can chant all you want! All your voices combined still isn't louder than mine! So I take this offer from the WWE. You people doubt that I actually signed a contract? I have to listen to you people doubt my ability in the ring, when I gave you the five-star, greatest technical match Ring of Honor has ever seen? When I gave you the bloodiest street fights that Ring of Honor's ever seen? People, you didn't realise it, you were in the midst of the greatest professional wrestler walking the world today, and he's in this ring right now! So I will, once again, prove the doubters wrong! You people doubt that I signed a contract with the WWE? Well, you're right! I haven't signed my contract! [Takes the contract out of his pocket.] You see this? This is my key to freedom. This means I don't have to see any of you people any more. I've already proved that I'm better than you. But what I'd like to do right now is sign my contract, to once again prove you all wrong. Bobby Cruise, if you could hold the belt, please, I want to sign the contract right on top of it.

Punk: Are you proud of yourself, Jeff? I could have been seriously injured last week. And you got a lot of nerve, faking in an injury, and leaving me in the ring to fend for myself, especially considering you're the one who injured my eye in first place. As far as what you said earlier about me making the whole thing up, coming out here with your cute eyepatch mocking me, I wanna show you something, Jeff.
This is Polymyxin B Sulfate. I have to apply this to my eye three times a day. The only way you obtain this is with a prescription, from a doctor. Now, I know you know a thing or two about prescription medication, what I don't think you realize is that you have to go to a doctor to legally obtain some. (Applies in the eye) Unlike you, Jeff, this is the only foreign substance I will allow in my body. So if you want to imitate me, why don't you try living a clean lifestyle? Why don't you try living a straight-edge lifestyle?
Jeff, you've got two strikes. You know how many I have? Zero. Jeff, you know how many times I have been suspended? Zero. You know how many times I've been to a rehab facility? That's right, Zero. Do you know what your chances are of beating me at Night of Champions? Zero.

Punk: John Cena, while you...you lay there, hopefully as uncomfortable as you possibly can be, I want you to listen to me. I want you to digest this because before I leave in three weeks with your WWE Championship, I have...a lot of things I want to get off my chest.
I don't hate you, John. I don’t even dislike you. I do like you. I like you a hell of a lot more than I like most people in the back. I hate this idea that you're the best, because you're not. I'm the best, I'm the best in the world. There's one thing you're better at than I am: And that's kissing Vince McMahon's ass. You're as good as kissing Vince McMahon's ass as Hulk Hogan was. I don't know if you're as good as Dwayne though. He's a pretty good ass kisser. Always was and still is. Oops! I'm Breaking the Fourth Wall! [Punk waves to the camera]
I am the best wrestler in the world. I've been the best ever since day one when I walked into this company, and I've been vilified and hated since that day, because Paul Heyman saw something in me that nobody else wanted to admit: That’s right, I'm a Paul Heyman guy. You know who else was a Paul Heyman guy? Brock Lesnar. And he split just like I'm splitting, but the biggest difference between me and Brock is I'm going to leave with the WWE Championship.
I've grabbed so many of Vincent K. McMahon's imaginary brass rings that...it's finally dawned on me that they're just that, they’re completely imaginary. The only thing that's real is me, and the fact that day in and day out, for almost six years, I have proved to everybody in the world that I am the best...on this microphone, in that ring, even in commentary! Nobody can touch me! And yet, no how many—no matter how many times I prove it... I'm not on your lovely little collector cups, I'm not on the cover of the program, I'm barely promoted, I don't get to be in movies, I'm certainly not on any crappy show on the USA Network. I'm not on the poster of WrestleMania, I'm not on the signature that's produced at the start of the show. I'm not on Conan O'Brien, I'm not on Jimmy Fallon, but the fact of the matter is I should be. And trust me: This isn't sour grapes, but the fact that Dwayne is in the main event of WrestleMania next year and I'm not makes me sick!
Oh hey, let me get something straight. Those of you who are cheering me right now, you are just as big a part of me leaving as anything else. Because you're the ones who are sipping on those collector cups right now, you're the ones that buy those programs that my face isn't on the cover of, and then at five in the morning at the airport, you try to shove it in my face so you can get an autograph and try to sell it on eBay because you're too lazy to go get a real job.
I'm leaving with the WWE Championship on July 17th. And hell, who knows, maybe I'll go defend it in New Japan Pro-Wrestling, maybe I'll go back to Ring of Honor! [Punk looks at the camera and waves] Hey, Colt Cabana, how you doing?
The reason I'm leaving is you people. Because after I'm gone, you're still going to pour money into this company. I'm just a spoke on the wheel. The wheel's going to keep turning and I understand that. But Vince McMahon is going to make money despite himself. He's a millionaire who should be a billionaire. You know why he's not a billionaire? Because he surrounds himself with glad-handing, nonsensical, douchebag yes-men, like John Laurinaitis, who's going to tell him everything that he wants to hear. And I'd like to think that maybe this company will be better after Vince McMahon's dead, but the fact is it's-it's going to be taken over by his idiotic daughter and his doofus son-in-law and the rest of his stupid family. Let me tell you a personal story about Vince McMahon, all right? Here we do this whole bully campaign— [his microphone is cut off]

CM Punk: [After a series of eccentric requests] The last thing that this contract states is that you apologize to me. I know, Vince McMahon doesn't apologize, right? But you'll apologize to me for suspending me last week. You will apologize... Hell, you know what? I'm gonna be honest, you're not apologizing to me, you're apologizing to these people for being one of the biggest hypocrites that I've ever seen in my entire life. As far as your anti-bullying campaign goes, you're one of the biggest bullies I've ever met in my entire life, and YOU WILL APOLOGIZE!
[Stunning silence, until the crowd chants "CM Punk! CM Punk!"]
CM Punk: I have had friends, very talented friends, worked for this company, and be unceremoniously fired.
Vince: THEY DESERVED IT!
CM Punk: They deserved it? They deserved what? Because you don't know what makes a superstar in 2011? YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THESE PEOPLE WANT?! You wanna punish people for actually liking Professional Wrestling? Guys like Colt Cabana, guys like Luke Gallows? Huh? YOU WILL APOLOGIZE! TO ME! FOR THEM! Because they can't be here right now, and they can't stand up to you, and they can't let their voice be heard. I AM CM PUNK, AND I AM THE VOICE OF THE VOICELESS, AND YOU WILL APOLOGIZE! AND YOU! WILL! LIKE IT!
Vince: Ok! I say I'm sorry.

Punk: I'm not gonna have you sit here and belittle me, say I've lost sight, I've lost sight of things, John? The reason I say I'm gonna take that and walk out is because I don't fit a certain mold, because I am the underdog, and that's exactly what you've lost sight of! Earlier in this ring, you mentioned great wrestlers like Eddie Guerrero and you said that they used to look at you and say "the kid couldn't hang," and now you stand here and look at me as the kid that can't hang...
John, I was hanging off of your gangster car at Wrestlemania 22, as it rolled down on Chicago, Illinois, and I stood there in a suit, looking as ridiculous as that man looks right now in a suit, holding a phony Tommy Gun, and I said to myself "someday, I'm not gonna be standing out there watching you in the ring, I was gonna be standing in the ring watching you go down to CM Punk". And now here we are, in your hometown of Boston. And now next week we'll be back there in my hometown, Chicago, Illinois. And this, this is the part where you talk 'em into the building. See, YOU are the one that's lost sight. And I apologize for raising my voice, because I'm not that guy, but when you stand here and tell me that I've lost sight, when you, the 10-time champion who stands for hustle, loyalty and respect, who's from Boston, Massachusetts, lives and breathes these red colors! The same colors as your beloved Red Sox who also portray themselves as the underdogs. (...) Hey, how about the Celtics, are they the underdogs too?
Here's what you've lost sight of, John! And I'm really happy that your father and your wife are sit in the front row so that they can hear it! What you've lost sight of is what you are! And what you are is what you hate! You're the ten-time WWE Champion, you're the man! Ladies and gentlemen, the champ is here! You, like the Red Sox, like Boston, are no longer the underdog! You're a dynasty! You are what you hate! You have become the New York Yankees!

Punk: Turn the music off, because I have something to say. And I'm positive that everybody here wants to hear it! And everybody sitting home as their DVRs fire up, because THEY WANNA HEAR IT! I'm glad you just punched me in the face, John! I'm glad it went down this way! Because it hit me like a bolt of lighting why I no longer wanna be here, why I wanna leave. It's because I'm tired of this. I'm tired of you. I'm just tired. So, ladies and gentleman of the WWE Universe, Vince, John, Sunday night, say goodbye to the WWE title, say goodbye to John Cena... [Stands up with his contract in hand.] ...and say goodbye to CM Punk! [Shreds his contract.]

Punk: Oh wait a minute! I'M gutless? I'M a phony? I'm gutless? Let's analyze that, who fires people around here? You? Or FUNKMAN over here, huh? Let me ask you a question Johnnie, FUNKMAN! Did you personally face to face fire Vladimir Kozlov on Friday? [Crowd OOOOOOOHS.] Did you fly yourself to Florida to tell Harry Smith - yes his name is Harry, not David Hart Smith - that he was no longer needed here? Did you tell Chris Masters, somebody who over the past year HAS WORKED HIS ASS OFF to get better, did you fire him face to face or did you phone him up and say "Hey kid, it's a budget thing, best of luck in your future endeavors!" DON'T CALL ME GUTLESS!

Punk: What's the matter? You don't like that? Huh? Mr. Laurinaitis? Do you find me to be disrespectful? You don't like that I'm gonna just, grab things out of your hand, do you?
Let me tell you what you're going to do about [screwing Punk and Foley out of their championship]: absolutely nothing.
Oh! You know what? Mick has nothing to do with what's going on around here. It's time we're going to put our co-NO! SHUT YOUR MOUTH! YOU'RE GONNA LISTEN TO ME! YOU'RE GONNA MAN UP! YOU'RE GONNA TAKE YOUR BALLS OUT OF YOUR PANTS RIGHT NOW! WE'RE GOING TO LAY OUR CARDS ON THE TABLE!
YOU don't like me, but it has nothing to do with who I am and if I could be your psychologist for a moment, it has everything to do with who you are not. See, the people have no idea who you are. That's because when you were a competitor in sports entertainment as you like to call it, you had the look, but oh boy! oh boy! did you ever suck. And that must have been really, really difficult Johnny, your brother being one half of the legendary Road Warriors, and you never amounting to much more than roadkill. See, you were boring, you weren't charismatic, you were vanilla—that's right, boring! And it kills you that you never made it to this stage, the WWE, as a competitor, so you traded in your lame-ass tights for your equally lame-ass suit. You went from somebody who just sucked to somebody who just sucked up. And now that you're your corporate Yes-Man, you take your eyes and you look at a guy like me and you can't stand the fact that the last year of my career, I've achieved more than you have in your entire life!
You! You know what? I don't even know why I'm screaming. You just don't have an original thought in your body. I mean, and you're gonna screw me at the Royal Rumble pay-per-view, well, better men have tried, and better men have failed. But you're going to try to screw me based on one thing: your pure jealousy of who I am and where I come from and the fact, the fact that I AM THE WWE CHAMPION! I'M THE MAN!
And you can't stand it, so you're gonna screw me at the Royal Rumble. Let me tell you something, Johnny: doesn't matter what you do to me on my championship match, because at the coming end of it, I'll still be better than you. And I'll have all these people doing something you wished your entire career they did: I'll have them talking about you. You see, 'cause if you screw me, I'm not gonna hit you with the GTS, I'm not gonna put you to sleep, I'm not gonna lock you in the Anaconda Vise, but I'm gonna have these people talking about you, for sure. 'Cause if you screw me, they're gonna be talking about how Mr. John Laurinaitis, executive vice president of talent relations and interim RAW General Manager, looks like he went through a meat grinder because CM Punk just kicked his pathetic ass!
(They look at each other for a while, Punk threatens to hit Johnny, then picks the WWE championship belt)
You're pathetic!

Punk: ...I'm not scared any longer. Certainly not scared of you. Because the timing might not match up, but I was selling out Madison Square Garden when you were marking out for Rosie O'Donnell. And the last time on this show you did a song and dance, you made The New York Times. Wow!! You want to sing me a song right now, Maxwell? Don't worry. You're standing in the ring with a PRO-fessional, and you're gonna make The New York Times again, but this time it's gonna be the obituaries. Because you have just enrolled yourself into a college your parents cannot afford. You talk too much. Yeah, just like me, back in the day, except I always backed it up, and you can't back up shit without your backup! FTR, Shawn Spears, Wardlow. That's how you get things done around here, and I never mentioned you in interviews because I never had to. I looked at AEW and I said, "Wow! That's the place I want to be, that's the place I want to test myself," and I went for the heart and soul of AEW, Darby Allin, and boy, that just chews you up, doesn't it? And I beat Darby Allin, and I didn't need a ring to do it. You're too busy talking about how you're the most powerful of the Four Pillars, you don't even realize you've been replaced by Britt Baker! And while you think you've made some excellent points, I think you talk too much and we've wasted these people's time. They call Chicago the Second City not because there's a city that's better than it, not because there's a city that was first, and you want to call me Number 2, I'll proudly wear Number 2 with a bullet, because just like Chicago, they call us the Second City because when it burned to the ground, we just built right back on top of the smoldering embers! And who's the man around here? Who's Number 1? Is it you? No, I don't think so. The only way you're gonna be Number 1 is if we all wait around long enough for Tony to have a daughter that you marry. Last time we were here in Chicago, and hell yeah, I'm happy to be here, I gave everybody free ice cream bars! The only thing I can think that's a better "welcome back" gift than now is punching you and your little needle dick right here, right now!

Punk: Ladies and Gentlemen I understand that Jon Moxley has a lot of fans. And he can be Number one in your heart, but he's not number one in this ring. I am the A-E-W Champion! I understand what it takes to be the best! I know what it takes to talk a big game and say that you’re the best in the world! I know what it’s like to breathe that into existence! I also know what it’s like to lose and, ladies and gentlemen I have lost big, sure! But Jon Moxley has always been number two. There’s always that guy that has his number. I’m that guy! Hey, you can boo if you want, but let me know when I’m telling lies! Jon Moxley is the third best guy in his own group! And that seems to be a reoccurring theme in his career! Doesn’t make him a bad guy, doesn’t make him the best either. I am the best! Number one! Jon Moxley has been here, carrying the torch for AEW. I broke my foot! Jon Moxley talks about breaking bones and drinking blood, but between me and him: The only person who has broken bones in the last six months is me! They were mine, but still… The fact remains… Tell me when I’m telling lies. Jon Moxley has been interim AEW Champion – look it up, “interim.” It means “Temporary.” But I’m willing to test myself against Jon Moxley. But Jon Moxley isn’t willing to test himself against his best friend. And let’s talk about numbers: His best friend is the third best “Eddie” I’ve ever been in the ring with. He’s the second best “Kingston” I ever shared a locker room with. These people aren’t number one in anything! Tell me when I’m telling lies! I’ve missed you ladies and gentlemen, I’ve missed competing in this ring! I have yet to defend this title and that's exactly what I plan to do at the “All Out” PPV 4th of September Chicago, IL! I’m looking forward to testing my belt against Jon Moxley! Number one against number two with a bullet! I'm looking to test my foot! The funny thing is heading into Chicago Jon Moxley’s not even the first "John" I'm gonna beat in Chicago for a championship belt. And certainly not number one in that category either.

Punk: You wanna know what I hear right now? I hear you lumping a lot of baggage, but you named a couple other people in there. And if you want to know the truth? The truth is it wasn't just me that judged you. It was me, it was Homicide, it was Joe, it was Danielson... And listen, it's a hard pill to swallow, but we judged you and we held you to a standard! The potential that we saw in you? You're the one who fell short of that mark! You can blame me and you can lose in the middle of the ring to a guy like Bryan Danielson, and then you can walk in the back and you can try to blame me, but it's not my fault! I am not wrong for seeing greatness in you 15 years ago, but I damn sure am a fool for trying to hold you to that standard and expect greatness, because you're a bum!

Punk: You can recognize the pioneers because of the arrows in their back. I was the first one through the wall and I got bloodied for it. You wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me. I loved the place I worked, I just hated the guy in charge! And he loved you! And in situations where you should have had my back, alls you did was shoot arrows in it! And then I leave and whoa and behold he shows his true colors and he stabs Roman Reigns in the back! And now he's dressed like an idiot, trying to play victim in a situation that he created! Those arrows kill weak people. The greats above all odds find a way to march forward and I left because I had to. And I got far enough away until those arrows couldn't reach me anymore and after a few years I started to be able to pull 'em out! And after a few more years I pulled them all out! And I came back because for seven years they chanted - Mostly during your television time - my name!
(Crowd chants "CM Punk")
I should be dead, Seth! But I'm not and-Ohhh, aren't the arrow throwers mad? Next week, those same arrows that was supposed to do me in I carry to this day! And I'm walking into LA, Netflix, live and in living color, with a fistful of arrows and I'm gonna jam 'em down your corporate throat!

Punk: [to Rollins] I s'pose I can start with you. You feel as good as you look? Fantastic! Because you look like an oven mitt, and I cooked you January 6, and I'm gonna cook you again in the Chamber tomorrow! Priest, me and you are cool; I have no personal issue with you, but if that cage door opens and it's me and you tomorrow, no quarter asked, none given. You will be collateral damage. You [points to McIntrye], obsessed with me! You [points to Rollins], obsessed with me, and I'm obsessed with this! I'm obsessed with one thing! [points to WrestleMania sign] I'm obsessed with my road to WrestleMania! I'm obsessed with my main event, first time ever! And if I gotta beat every single one of you in the Elimination Chamber to do it, I will do it! And now on top of all this drama, now we got somebody "buying souls," and somebody had the audacity to ask me if I would sell my soul. Souls, if that's something you believe in, and Drew, I know you do, because you one time prayed for my demise. But I know you don't even have a soul to sell, because I snatched yours at Hell in a Cell in October! Everybody here better get real serious real fast, [to Rollins] and I know you're gonna have a hard time dealing with that based on the way you like to dress, but you're all dealing with Hell in a Cell CM Punk come tomorrow! So if each and every single one of you wake up tomorrow morning and don't feel like showing up, just like John Cena decided to embark on a retirement tour, and decided not to show up, I understand! This is not about you! This is about ME!

Punk: Hey, where are you going? Where are you going, Kev? We're just getting the party started here in Indianapolis. Yeah, I've never main evented WrestleMania. I think everybody knows that. My bad for setting goals that are very scary. Congratulations, you have. Twice, if I'm not mistaken. Good for you. You've accomplished a lot here in your career. You're tough, you're one of the best, biggest superstar backstage. Here's something that I also haven't done, but somebody else has. Stop me if you know who it is. I, personally, CM Punk, have never lost five title matches at the Royal Rumble. Oh, that was you! Yeah. I, this is the big one, get ready; I have never lost to Logan Paul. It's almost too stiff to repeat. Something else that I've never done, I've never even attempted to do this, I've never attempted to manipulate my best friend who I've stabbed in the back multiple times in order to help him win me a title because I wasn't confident enough in my own ability. Win, lose, or draw, I do it by myself! You don't. You take shortcuts. Planets have to align, but realistically, two things have to happen tomorrow night for me and you to meet in the Main Event of WrestleMania. Number 1: I have to throw 29 other people that you like more than me over the top rope, and you have to survive a very pissed off Cody Rhodes in a dangerous ladder match. But only one thing has to happen tonight for you to get your ass kicked by CM Punk, and that's you come back in this ring, right now.

Punk: Listen up, Dwayne, you bald fraud! You think because you're on the Board of Directors you're immune from criticism!? Well you don't know who you're dealing with! You are dealing with The Best in the World! Middle-aged and crazy, walked back into the WWE after ten years and literally MARCHED THROUGH HELL to receive opportunities at the big dance, and you, Mr. Midlife Crisis, just decide to walk when you feel like it and hide behind the fact that you think you're a bigger star than everybody here! I would love to say all of this to your face, but you have not graced us with your presence (hits his arm) to do your BULLSHIT! (hits his arm again) To hit your arm (hits his arm a third time), to PRETEND that you care about this business that gives you goosebumps! I have never been so delusional, I have never been so desperate, to WEAR A FAKE TITLE! I have never been so desperate to wear a fake title and proclaim myself "The People's Champion" because I don't deserve it! I EAAAARN IT! I have never been so desperate to sell my soul! And that brings me to you, John Cena! "You can't see me?" Well now we can all see through you! You STOLE something from me at the Elimination Chamber, a match that after twenty years of hustle, loyalty and respect, I gave you the benefit of the doubt when you "didn't qualify"! I thought what you did in the past secured your future! You're not gonna fool me twice! Hustle, loyalty and respect for twenty plus years, and now everybody sees what I've known all along, that you've been sellin' all these people and all these kids bullshit! WHO GAVE UP IN THE ELIMINATION CHAMBER!? It wasn't me! You'll never see CM Punk give up on his dreams of main eventing WrestleMania! Ironically, Mr. "Don't quit"! Mr. "Don't give up!" You gave up on yourself, you gave up on all of these people, you gave up on all those kids! The joke's on you, I'm gonna see you down the road! And I'm gonna get my hands on the both of you bald frauds and when I do, you're gonna "Make-a-Wish" that I never did!

Punk: Do not adjust your television set, your eyes are working just right,
This clown plagiarised my pipebomb, so now I'm stealing Word Life.
And you had to rip me off to cut your best promo,
Just to distract from the fact that we all see you move in slo-mo.
Remember when he used to rap? You deserve all the criticism,
You're like a Temu Macklemore, but with Mackle-less rhythm.
And he said I'm a problem, he called me a player hater,
Let's be honest, John Cena's buried more talent than The Undertaker.
That's why he's the champ! And he went and lost all his respect.
But hey, John, I get it, I'd retire too if this place rehired my ex.
If you never said your prayers, ate your vitamins, or fixed your bald spot,
You wouldn't be a pro-wrestler; you'd be a Boston mall cop.
But hey, he gets good movie roles, that much is a fact,
But we see Batista act, and we realize John ain't that.
Same shirt, same hat, man your persona's stayed tragic,
You're like a fish-bellied Hulk Hogan, but somehow more problematic.
Yo, when it comes to Best in the World, I'm your vessel,
Because millions chant my name, and at you, they chant 'you can't wrestle'.
Get it in while you can, in six months, he'll be gone, and I'll still be here, having fun.
He won't have time for you little people any more, he'll be busy washing underwear for James Gunn.
Yeah, yeah, he's a superhero now. He works for DC.
But no matter how hard you try, you'll still always be The Marine to me.
And that's straight-to-DVD, better find a PS3,
And I now understand "You can't see me."
It's a hell of a catchphrase, John, but now it's all done,
Because we all see you, and we're looking at a washed up bum.
Fourteen years ago today, I dropped the legendary pipe bomb,
and you tried to make it all about you, because that's what you do, John.
You're a leech, you're a phony, you're a fraud, you're an ass-kiss
Seventeen-time world champion, but ain't never been on my class.
Before you go, John, there's one more wish to make,
Tomorrow night, you're gonna lose to Kendrick, because bitch, you're my Drake!

Punk: You think you could just walk away from me, were you done?! Were you done, Roman?! Well I'm not and you're gonna stand here and listen to everything I've got to say. You just said a bunch of shit and we gotta cover it all. First things first, "we"?! Who's "we"? You got some extra Samoan goblins in your pocket that I can't see? Huh? You're all alone. You're alone in your bus, you're alone in your room, your cousins aren't with you anymore, there's no more Shield to help you do anything. Hell, you don't even have a wiseman anymore and look at me, I took him away from you. No, you're all alone and I love moments like this because it just illustrates your entire career: You. Chasing. Me. I'm the champ!
You're in the main event of WrestleMania not just because you won the Royal Rumble but because I'm the main event. I'm on Netflix. This is my show! I run things here! I'm in the locker room, yeah, hangin' out with your cousins and you're all alone and you can't get things done when you're by yourself, can you? You hate me? Fair enough, you can hate me all you want. I don't even care if you love me. One thing I won't let you do… is disrespect me. You're gonna retire me? You're gonna retire CM Punk? Well brother, you just made the list. You went from getting beat at WrestleMania, now I'm gonna bury you. And then you won't be all alone anymore… because I'm gonna bury you next to your father.

Punk: Roman Reigns is not here tonight. [crowd boos] Two weeks ago—shockingly enough—with help from his cousins, he put me through the ringside announce table with a powerbomb. Then he strutted out very slowly, I might add, like he was the king of the world. And I couldn’t wait—I couldn’t wait to get to Monday Night Raw in Madison Square Garden to get my revenge. And I showed up, cousin-less, by myself, with the World Heavyweight Title and these two fists—and I got my receipt. I put Roman through the ringside announce table alone.
Roman Reigns says he hates me, and I say good. Because if Roman hates me, that tells me I’m exactly where I need to be—fraud-checking goofs like him who hate me because I won’t trade my authenticity for approval. Being hated by losers is the price I pay for not being one of them. Keep chanting, maybe he’ll show up. I doubt it. But maybe. What—are you going to be mad at me because he didn’t show up? Because I damn near crippled him? I showed up—and I’m an old man. Old, not weak. Roman Reigns says he hates me, and I understand. I know why he hates me. But now let me take a moment to explain to everybody who bothered to show up in Houston why I hate Roman Reigns.
[points to WrestleMania sign] You see that sign? It says WrestleMania Las Vegas. That is the biggest show of the year—the granddaddy of them all. And Roman—we both have the tools to climb the ladder and make it to the pinnacle of this king’s sport. The difference is, my tools are self-made—and they’re sharpened into a deadly point through years of self-belief and hard work, and sometimes spite—but always sacrifice. And your tools? They’re store-bought. Hand-delivered. And like you… they’re plastic.
See, back in the day, I was too young and stupid to really understand. But now I’m too rich and too old to give a damn—and I understand why this company, why TKO, sends you and your beltless ass to Jimmy Fallon. It’s because you’re safe. You’re boring. You’re plastic. You’re saccharine. You’re manufactured. And me? I’m dangerous—because you never know what I’m going to do or what I’m going to say. Why is it that I can film half a dozen television shows and movies and never miss a god damn day—but you use it as a crutch to not show up? And somehow these people are going to boo me when I give them the news that you’re not here? You know I’m right. And when you do bother to show up—you show up late, you gleefully leave early, and you puff your chest out in the back like you’re The Rock. At least The Rock is a Hollywood superstar. Oh—I’m sorry. Was a Hollywood superstar.
Just like you, Roman… were a champion. But that fairytale is long over—because this is pro wrestling, not cinema. See, my bloated cousin isn’t on the board of directors. I don’t surround myself with wise men, advocates, and yes-men who protect me from the truth. No—my daddy wasn’t a pro wrestler who gave me a favour job because I sucked at football. I paid my dues. I have earned—and deserve—everything I’ve busted my ass for. And you? You’re just a buck-toothed nepo baby who ate dog food for a weird old man. And that weird old man treated me like a dog for years—and expected me to smile. But I had FU money, so I took that—and my dignity—and I left. And that’s why you hate me. Because you can’t control me. Like you control your cousins. Your family. Those people. They can’t control me. Be careful what you wish for. When people ask me for a pipe bomb without understanding what it means—this is what you get. Roman, you can brag about how many times you’ve main-evented WrestleMania. But if me—or anybody else—were afforded as many opportunities as you had and failed the first eight of them so spectacularly…We’d be fired. Blackballed. But you can’t blackball me. They can’t blackball me. And listen up—I can stand on that bridge and blow it up…Because bitch, I know how to swim!
And you’d think I’m done—but I’m not. Because everybody’s getting it tonight. Pat MAGAfee—yeah, you.You buggy-whip-armed, no-brain hillbilly. You think you can come into my business—pro wrestling—and run your mouth? You just wrote a check your narrow ass can’t cash.You want to talk about ticket sales? Do me a favour—call up that agent (Ari Emanuel) foolish enough to shoehorn you into this business and this show, and tell him to lower the ticket prices. I’ll be damned if I let somebody who kicked a football for a living come into my business and lecture me about selling tickets and putting asses in seats. You’ve got a receipt coming. Houston—lower the ticket prices, because I want all these families to come watch me stand on Roman Reigns’ throat at WrestleMania. Because my name Is CM Punk and I have approved this message."