Human Kite/Kyle: Alright, dude. L-Let's just say you're not crazy and it's true. What's the big deal? I mean, I think it'd be pretty cool not to be able to die.
Mysterion/Kenny: Pretty cool?! Do you know what it feels like to be stabbed?! To be shot?! Decapitated, torn apart, burned, run over?!
Toolshed/Stan: Kenny, Kenny, calm down!
Mysterion/Kenny: It's not pretty cool, Kyle! It fucking HURTS!
—South Park, "Coon vs. Coon & Friends"
Only, it's been a long while since we enlisted out of this classroom. So long, I thought maybe the whole world had learned by this time. Only now they're sending babies, and they won't last a week! I shouldn't have come on leave. Up at the front you're alive or you're dead and that's all. You can't fool anybody about that very long. And up there we know we're lost and done for whether we're dead or alive. Three years we've had of it, four years! And every day a year, and every night a century! And our bodies are earth, and our thoughts are clay, and we sleep and eat with death!
— Paul Baumer addressing a group of students being sent to war, All Quiet on the Western Front (1930)
Heather: Fine. You want to know what my training was like?" [She reaches out and grabs a fistful of Cami's tunic] Then I'll tell you. So, who do you love more, your parents or your crew?
Cami: What?
Heather: Who do you love more? You commented on how unmarked I was. There's a reason for that. Anytime I messed up, my parents got tortured. So, which ones in pain would be worse for you? Your parents? They're a little far away, but I'm sure that we could go get them by dragon. Or, hey, your crew is right here. And you're sworn to protect them, aren't you!? Imagine how you'd feel, how desperate to learn you'd be, how desperate to do anything you'd be, if you were tied to a chair and forced to watch while a torturer worked them over!"
Or, hey, you're what, sixteen, seventeen winters? That's a little old, but we can work with that. You've been trained, sure, but have you ever been tortured? Beaten by somebody who knows just how hard they can hit before they'll break bones or leave scars? Or how best to hit the bottom of your feet so that you can't walk and then force you to stand for hours? Because I know how to do that, now. And let me tell you, you'll think that your old training was a pleasure walk by the time I'm done! Maybe I'll have you stand barefoot on broken glass for it!
[Cami tries to back away, but Heather pulls her back]
Oh no! You don't get to go anywhere now! And if you flunk out because you're not good enough, if you want to quit, I'm sure that you'll enjoy being handed over to the guards to be raped, and everyone you care about sentenced to die. Oh, wait though, we don't have a river marsh around here to bury your crew in up to their necks and place bets on whether they'll drown during the tide, die of thirst, or get their faces eaten—but, oh well, I'm sure I can come up with something hideous enough!
I can drag out my old exams for you! How many languages do you speak?
Cami: Th-three…
Heather: Okay. Now, I'm going to have three people stand on the opposite side of the mead hall and talk in all of those languages, and you have to tell me everything they say—and if you miss anything, we'll start cutting on your crew. I'll heat the knife so they don't bleed to death, I think that's fair, right?
Or facts! After all, hearing something means nothing if you can't understand what it means, or how important it might be! So you'll have to get taught everything about everybody in the region! And you can have the same exam as I did! For every question you get right, one of your crew gets to have their first bite of food in three days—but for every question you get wrong, they get hit with a club, harder and harder. It's very precise. Five wrong answers will cost someone a broken arm.
[shoves Cami against the wall]
Or, hey, you're an adult! Are you a virgin, girl?
[Cami shakes her head]
Oh, good. That means that you'll have something to work off of for the seduction training! Oh, I know, I know, you're a Bog Burglar, sworn to Freyja! You don't need any training in sex! But seducing a paranoid man isn't going to be as easy as you think it is. But at least you have some knowledge of what's involved! I didn't! I was fourteen! I was forced to watch my owner have sex with a pleasure thrall, and they taught me what to do in order to best please a man so that I could seduce him for information!
Don't you look away! If you look away, I'll pick one of your crew and have their fingernails ripped off!'
Oh, and the best part! You can't trust anybody! Because I'll make sure that any friendships you have, you'll either have to betray them, or be betrayed! A good spy doesn't trust anybody!
Cami: I trust my friends…
Heather: For now! But wait until your friends have to choose between your secrets and a fresh loaf of bread and a whole ham to themselves when they've been starved for a month!
...
I wouldn't wish that hell on my worst enemy—much less some starry-eyed thief who thinks that being a spy is something to covet.
Cami: What?
Heather: Who do you love more? You commented on how unmarked I was. There's a reason for that. Anytime I messed up, my parents got tortured. So, which ones in pain would be worse for you? Your parents? They're a little far away, but I'm sure that we could go get them by dragon. Or, hey, your crew is right here. And you're sworn to protect them, aren't you!? Imagine how you'd feel, how desperate to learn you'd be, how desperate to do anything you'd be, if you were tied to a chair and forced to watch while a torturer worked them over!"
Or, hey, you're what, sixteen, seventeen winters? That's a little old, but we can work with that. You've been trained, sure, but have you ever been tortured? Beaten by somebody who knows just how hard they can hit before they'll break bones or leave scars? Or how best to hit the bottom of your feet so that you can't walk and then force you to stand for hours? Because I know how to do that, now. And let me tell you, you'll think that your old training was a pleasure walk by the time I'm done! Maybe I'll have you stand barefoot on broken glass for it!
[Cami tries to back away, but Heather pulls her back]
Oh no! You don't get to go anywhere now! And if you flunk out because you're not good enough, if you want to quit, I'm sure that you'll enjoy being handed over to the guards to be raped, and everyone you care about sentenced to die. Oh, wait though, we don't have a river marsh around here to bury your crew in up to their necks and place bets on whether they'll drown during the tide, die of thirst, or get their faces eaten—but, oh well, I'm sure I can come up with something hideous enough!
I can drag out my old exams for you! How many languages do you speak?
Cami: Th-three…
Heather: Okay. Now, I'm going to have three people stand on the opposite side of the mead hall and talk in all of those languages, and you have to tell me everything they say—and if you miss anything, we'll start cutting on your crew. I'll heat the knife so they don't bleed to death, I think that's fair, right?
Or facts! After all, hearing something means nothing if you can't understand what it means, or how important it might be! So you'll have to get taught everything about everybody in the region! And you can have the same exam as I did! For every question you get right, one of your crew gets to have their first bite of food in three days—but for every question you get wrong, they get hit with a club, harder and harder. It's very precise. Five wrong answers will cost someone a broken arm.
[shoves Cami against the wall]
Or, hey, you're an adult! Are you a virgin, girl?
[Cami shakes her head]
Oh, good. That means that you'll have something to work off of for the seduction training! Oh, I know, I know, you're a Bog Burglar, sworn to Freyja! You don't need any training in sex! But seducing a paranoid man isn't going to be as easy as you think it is. But at least you have some knowledge of what's involved! I didn't! I was fourteen! I was forced to watch my owner have sex with a pleasure thrall, and they taught me what to do in order to best please a man so that I could seduce him for information!
Don't you look away! If you look away, I'll pick one of your crew and have their fingernails ripped off!'
Oh, and the best part! You can't trust anybody! Because I'll make sure that any friendships you have, you'll either have to betray them, or be betrayed! A good spy doesn't trust anybody!
Cami: I trust my friends…
Heather: For now! But wait until your friends have to choose between your secrets and a fresh loaf of bread and a whole ham to themselves when they've been starved for a month!
...
I wouldn't wish that hell on my worst enemy—much less some starry-eyed thief who thinks that being a spy is something to covet.
When the LIGHT is subsumed by SHADOW
When the FOUNTAINS fill the sky
All will fall into CHAOS.
The TITANS will take form from the FOUNTAINS
And envelop the land in devastation.
The surviving Darkners, crushed by the darkness
Will slowly, one by one, turn into statues...
Leaving the Lightners to fend for themselves
Lost eternally in an endless night...
Is that your idea of paradise?
— Ralsei describing The Roaring when Noelle, Berdly, and Susie want to make more Dark Fountains, Deltarune
Wonder Woman: You'd be wise to surrender.
The Joker: And miss all the fun?
Wonder Woman: If you think a crushed skull is fun.
The Joker: And miss all the fun?
Wonder Woman: If you think a crushed skull is fun.