Funny / Prequel (Kazerad)

(aka: Prequel)

Following

These apply to the webcomic named Prequel.

• That burn was so sick, it lit the candle.◊ (Also is Foreshadowing.)
  • These gay elves are racist fucks and you don’t want to talk to them anymore.
• Katia asks about finding employment with the Imperial Guard.
  Narrator: The guard looks at you with a troubled, uncomfortable glare, like that of a man who must explain to his paraplegic daughter that her dreams of becoming a ballerina will never come true.
• You fucked up.◊
• Quill-Weave quickly says something about how she's confident you two can work this out on your own okay see you later.◊
• You don't exactly operate well under pressure. In a spur-of-the-moment decision, you try to execute every fallback plan at once.◊
• This◊ is the best idea.
• You can no longer be the imp because the imp is dead.◊
• Well, you're alive.◊
• Who is this "Matt" you speak of?
• Holy shit, Quill-Weave knows parkour?
  • She's an apprentice acrobatics trainer in-game, of course she does!
• What was that, Logical Thought? I couldn’t hear you over the taste of all this delicious cake◊.
  • Decide you'd rather wash down the cake with more cake IT'S NOT WORKING.
• Holy FUCKSHIT your hand is on fire and it really burns!◊
• "Imperial Legion soldiers are notoriously bad at dying. Every time they conquered a place, the original rulers were like "hey, start dying!" and the Imperial Legion was like "no". At least that's how you understand history."
• Well, okay, your badass wolf-skin armor doesn't turn out so great. But other things are still looking up!◊
• By the way, for a Mages Guild, is there a required dress code or something? Because I want to make a good impression, and I don’t know how I feel about this hood.◊
• Ryavis wrote: When Katia turned her darkvision on in her dream, she apparently turned it on in real life also. Does that mean that she hit something with an eye of fear too?
  Narration: Yeah, looks like you accidentally hit an unfortunate little spider hanging over Quill-Weave’s bed. It is currently flipping the fuck out, terrified of everything around it◊.
• Asotil's conversation with Katia prior to setting off for Kvatch.
  Asotil: Citizen, do you know how I became strong enough to serve in the Imperial Legion, one of the most selective and skilled combat forces in all of Cyrodiil?
  (Beat)
  (Beat)
  Katia: How?
  Asotil: Drugs. But also practice.
  • It gets funnier if you saw this image Kazerad drew for a fan.
  • He then prepares a shooting gallery with four apples, and a poisoned apple as a high value target.
  Asotil: This is a deadly poisoned apple, taken from the corpse of a Dark Brotherhood assassin himself.
  Asotil: At least I’m preeeeetty sure that’s the poisoned one.
  [Asotil proceeds to take a bite out of every apple except the one he assumed was poisonous]
  Asotil: Yup, it must be.
• NORMAL HUMAN STRENGTH!◊
• You have a really good feeling about all these decisions you just made!
• You can stop being afraid now. like it's totes ok i give you my permission *thumbs up*
  • Even the terrifying Eldritch Abomination of Nightmare!Uriel Septim looks perplexed in that moment.
• This entire page, though it's filled with Nightmare Fuel, manages to be uncannily hilarious with its comments.
  woah woah WOAH
  hey no
  stop being on fire
  come on that is like the exact opposite of what I asked you to do
  *scribbles over Katia* *scribbles are burned away*
  fuck
  just...WAIT THERE
• The "Unity" mural◊.
  Vaermina: As for Vaermina’s wondrous-yet-incomplete nightmare mural-
  [Vaermina taps the ground with her staff, flinging paint all over the mural.]
  Vaermina: There. Now it is an aesthetic nightmare.
  • You can now buy an actual Unity tapestry IRL.
    Tier 10: GIVE ME EVERYTHING BUT MAKE THE UNITY TAPESTRY NINE FEET WIDE◊
  • And now, it's availible in the Prequel merch store. The temporary store art really sells it:
    Katia: Whoops◊! I have discovered the concept of buying. I could get:
    Katia: nightmares◊
• Just about everything Aggy says to Katia while trying to cheer her up. Especially when he tells her the story of The Littlest Scrib, an Affectionate Parody of Dunmer lore.
• "Oh my gods you have never actually eaten an apple, have you?"
  • Nchow. <Holy shit.>
  • Katia's explanation of how she can speak Dragonish.
• I'll level with you here: I have completely lost track of this Analogy
• Quill-Weave possesses a fully-functioning Gaydar which she uses to prove to the readers that Katia is straight. Aside from herself, she also reveals that the only other gay in the village is Jesan Sextius, who in-game allows the unemployed Gorgo gro-Shura to live with him out of the kindness of his heart.
• "PINEAPPLE!◊ I have a pineapple!"
• Katia tells Sigrid that there's no way professional quality Telvanni Bug Musk could increase megalomania and self-assuredness to absurd levels, since that would be a pretty big design flaw... Oh. Oh.
  Katia: Okay, no, this... this explains everything I’ve ever heard about the Telvanni.
  Sigrid: You never once found it strange how many of them are married to clones of themselves?
  Katia: I’m sorry, I’m realizing a lot of obvious things about dark elves tonight.
  • From the same update:
  Sigrid: Welcome to wizardry, where people with awful ideas and no social skills invoke supernatural forces to gain power and respect. Almost makes you want to tap out and start a little shop selling healing potions.
  • Katia asking if she could give her summoned skeleton a name because she doesn't like "It" Is Dehumanizing, only for the skeleton to subvert the trope by concluding that she's coming onto it in a romantic way.
  • The summoned Flame Atronach at the end, who sees that Katia is only wearing a cloak and painted-on clothes while Sigrid is completely nude, and decides that stripping down itself is the most obvious course of action.
• In Oblivion, Atrantu La mentions that falling all the way down to the forest below and climbing all the way back up would take days and be cut for time. The following panels show her covered in branches and scratches, implying that this actually happened. Twice.